Work is.. overwhelming. It's not easy giving money away. There are the demanding ones, the send-multiple-emails-just-to-ask-something ones, the scolders, the scorners, the liars, etc. Then, there are those that just don't understand. Feeling drained.
And sometimes, I just don't want to get caught up with poison. Why waste energy trying to hurt people?
------------------------------
Yayy! Dear proposed! As much as crying is a bimbotic moment, I couldn't help doing it. Hahaha! Felt really bad 'cos we had a quarrel earlier in the day.. Well, I started the quarrel. Don't I always?
I'm so difficult to get along with. I'm demanding, stubborn, impatient.. Yet this man never fails to impress with his really strong patience. Like, really patient! Patient enough to overlook all my flaws and still decide he wants to spend his life with me. How awesome is that?
Being able to see my own flaws isn't necessarily a good thing if I can't do enough to change it. I've been thinking that this new job makes me extra bad, but what if.. after this scope, these character flaws get so ingrained in me I just don't realise how bad I am anymore?
------------------------------
Wanna note this down to read back in future.. One of the prettiest moments I'd ever experienced! So we went to Phuket for a holiday, to coincide with their Loi Krathong festival. We were gonna place nails and hair in our krathong, and set if off with the significance that all our bad fortunes will float away and our lives will be renewed with good blessings!
We got the necessary ready.. He lit the candle and he set it in the lake. We decided that the beach wouldn't be a good spot as the waves will push the krathong back. It's not very nice to have our bad luck pushed back toward us right? =P
So we were watching our little float sail, then he suddenly asked me to move back. We were standing at the edge of the floating platform, so I thought he was going to fall! Yeah so.. He nicely got down on knee and asked the magical 4 words =D
This nice ang moh saw and we quickly grabbed the chance to have him take photos. All in all, dear knelt 3 times for the actual proposal and photos after to capture the moment. Thanks nice ang moh!
Really simple, but I like it this way. 171113. Overseas, not in some restaurant, and with the element of surprise.
He was telling me later that he wasn't sure the airport scanner would let the ring go. As it was, before we boarded the plane to Phuket, the guard wanted to check his bag. He said that if the guard found the ring, he would have proposed on the spot. I think an airport proposal would be quite cute.
------------------------------
Monday, December 16, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Enough
Probably had just about enough.
Drained, occasionally bi-polaring, lost faith, hope and want.
Perhaps I should grab the chance for a timely change? Or not..
Too much at stake. For parents, for the future family, for self.
But this isn't what I want to do. Doing something that is not your forte drains. Doing something that you don't like, kills. And where's the support?
Was walking to get some water; saw this old man with wrinkly skin and sunken lips munching on some cake. His lunch? His tea? No table, just a seat. This age, working; that spoke to me. He shouldn't be exerting. He should be enjoying his twilight years.
I want to be part of that. To soothe, to cajole, to demonstrate that the last leg of their journey will not be alone. Perhaps some volunteering? Some work hiatus to rejuvenate the soul? (By the way, ice cream is good for your soul.) Then off to xxxx to help some people! Again, circumstances do not allow the luxury of no pay.
Like many others, I'm also a master procrastinator. This desire was seeded years ago. Started in JC, perhaps? That's a good 10 years of non-action. *Slap!*
What do I want?
What do I crave?
What enlivens, or used to enliven, me?
What motivates?
My heart wrenched.
What calls?
I desperately need to rediscover my spark.
I want to do something that will help this particular group. Not the young, not the adults, but the old. Not the sick, not the dying, but the forsaken. Not the homemakers, not the disabled, but the aged.
But can this want feed me, my future family, my parents?
I used to live, to love, to yearn. Now, I'm zombified once again.
Is this what life truly is?
--------------------
Drained, occasionally bi-polaring, lost faith, hope and want.
Perhaps I should grab the chance for a timely change? Or not..
Too much at stake. For parents, for the future family, for self.
But this isn't what I want to do. Doing something that is not your forte drains. Doing something that you don't like, kills. And where's the support?
Was walking to get some water; saw this old man with wrinkly skin and sunken lips munching on some cake. His lunch? His tea? No table, just a seat. This age, working; that spoke to me. He shouldn't be exerting. He should be enjoying his twilight years.
I want to be part of that. To soothe, to cajole, to demonstrate that the last leg of their journey will not be alone. Perhaps some volunteering? Some work hiatus to rejuvenate the soul? (By the way, ice cream is good for your soul.) Then off to xxxx to help some people! Again, circumstances do not allow the luxury of no pay.
Like many others, I'm also a master procrastinator. This desire was seeded years ago. Started in JC, perhaps? That's a good 10 years of non-action. *Slap!*
What do I want?
What do I crave?
What enlivens, or used to enliven, me?
What motivates?
My heart wrenched.
What calls?
I desperately need to rediscover my spark.
I want to do something that will help this particular group. Not the young, not the adults, but the old. Not the sick, not the dying, but the forsaken. Not the homemakers, not the disabled, but the aged.
But can this want feed me, my future family, my parents?
I used to live, to love, to yearn. Now, I'm zombified once again.
Is this what life truly is?
--------------------
MAM
My awesome man.
Patient and forgiving.
Quick to concede and slow to anger.
Loving and caring.
Nicest words.
Heart-warming actions.
Capable of reducing me to giggles.
Aww..
--------------------
Patient and forgiving.
Quick to concede and slow to anger.
Loving and caring.
Nicest words.
Heart-warming actions.
Capable of reducing me to giggles.
Aww..
--------------------
Friday, November 16, 2012
Ouch!
So I had some kick-ass food poisoning a week ago. Had the same lunch as a few colleagues who spent their weekends fine; and I didn't snack in the noon - it definitely was the dinner.
4 of my shopping mates wanted to have Carl's Junior. I wan't keen since fast food were abundant at work. Agreed to have fries anyway - CJ's Chilli Cheese Beef Fries (only me - rest had burgers). Oh boy. Thinking about it makes me nauseous.
I had half, since the beef was overpowering. Less than an hour later, poof! It's not just diarrhoea - it was jet-streamed-explosive diarrhoea. If I may be disgusting: the whole toilet bowl was filled with my watery shit since it was jet-streamed-explosive. Yes the flush in the mall's toilet works well. Didn't get any on myself. I cleaned up well.
I went about 7 times in 2 hours. Lost count after the 10th time, which was about the 3rd hour. I couldn't fathom how much shit I held in my system - and how much water came out after the shit stopped.
Threw up badly in the 4th hour. Guess what came out? Aww.. Chilli Cheese Beef Fries! Undigested! Ugh. I so wanna puke now.
It smelled bad, my body (err.. tummy?) spasmed, my toilet reeked of puke and food, and I had the unglamourous task of washing it away from the floor (no projectile puke to wall here). Got stuck since the house toilet didn't have a good drainage. Guess who had to clean that up too? Couldn't leave a mess for my sis when she uses the toilet, could I?
Tried to sleep, needed to explode my water out again. Puked a 2nd time of water and mucous (huh?) and some white stuff which I think was supposed to be the anti-diarrhoea pill I took. Was that considered as digested since it was a white mess? Guess I couldn't even stomach medicine.
So that was some kick-ass food poisoning. Ran a fever the next day. Slept 90% of the time. My boyfriend had the cheek to make this sentence: "Huh? Sleep again?" when I wanted to crash after my round of meds on the 2nd night.
Yes well, I had a fever, I lost count of the number of times my butt kissed the toilet bowl, and I puked my guts out twice. Survived on 3 tiny pieces of bread for the 2nd day. Food didn't seem exciting at that point in time. Shit twice more. Meds and food stayed in for the 2nd day.
So I went back to work on Monday, and my colleague suggested I complain to CJ. And then what? They apologise? Or accuse me of false claims? I didn't see a doctor - could barely walk out of my room to the toilet. I had no proof. Or send me some CJ vouchers to make me happy?
Don't think I want to even step foot into CJ for the next few days.. weeks.. years, even! What good will the vouchers do? On hindsight - If there were vouchers, I could have distributed them to make my colleagues happy. I didn't complain, anyway.
Few days ago the boyfriend offered me some cheese bread. Needless to say - the smell nauseates too. I. Am. Anti. Chilli Cheese Beef Fries. Now. And whatever reeks the same.
--------------------
4 of my shopping mates wanted to have Carl's Junior. I wan't keen since fast food were abundant at work. Agreed to have fries anyway - CJ's Chilli Cheese Beef Fries (only me - rest had burgers). Oh boy. Thinking about it makes me nauseous.
I had half, since the beef was overpowering. Less than an hour later, poof! It's not just diarrhoea - it was jet-streamed-explosive diarrhoea. If I may be disgusting: the whole toilet bowl was filled with my watery shit since it was jet-streamed-explosive. Yes the flush in the mall's toilet works well. Didn't get any on myself. I cleaned up well.
I went about 7 times in 2 hours. Lost count after the 10th time, which was about the 3rd hour. I couldn't fathom how much shit I held in my system - and how much water came out after the shit stopped.
Threw up badly in the 4th hour. Guess what came out? Aww.. Chilli Cheese Beef Fries! Undigested! Ugh. I so wanna puke now.
It smelled bad, my body (err.. tummy?) spasmed, my toilet reeked of puke and food, and I had the unglamourous task of washing it away from the floor (no projectile puke to wall here). Got stuck since the house toilet didn't have a good drainage. Guess who had to clean that up too? Couldn't leave a mess for my sis when she uses the toilet, could I?
Tried to sleep, needed to explode my water out again. Puked a 2nd time of water and mucous (huh?) and some white stuff which I think was supposed to be the anti-diarrhoea pill I took. Was that considered as digested since it was a white mess? Guess I couldn't even stomach medicine.
So that was some kick-ass food poisoning. Ran a fever the next day. Slept 90% of the time. My boyfriend had the cheek to make this sentence: "Huh? Sleep again?" when I wanted to crash after my round of meds on the 2nd night.
Yes well, I had a fever, I lost count of the number of times my butt kissed the toilet bowl, and I puked my guts out twice. Survived on 3 tiny pieces of bread for the 2nd day. Food didn't seem exciting at that point in time. Shit twice more. Meds and food stayed in for the 2nd day.
So I went back to work on Monday, and my colleague suggested I complain to CJ. And then what? They apologise? Or accuse me of false claims? I didn't see a doctor - could barely walk out of my room to the toilet. I had no proof. Or send me some CJ vouchers to make me happy?
Don't think I want to even step foot into CJ for the next few days.. weeks.. years, even! What good will the vouchers do? On hindsight - If there were vouchers, I could have distributed them to make my colleagues happy. I didn't complain, anyway.
Few days ago the boyfriend offered me some cheese bread. Needless to say - the smell nauseates too. I. Am. Anti. Chilli Cheese Beef Fries. Now. And whatever reeks the same.
--------------------
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Keeping my Memories
So much has happened since May! Feeling like a little typing today. Not as if I don't type everyday..
So in June.. Hmm.. Nvm. Move on to July. Oh! Did we go Genting? I think we went Genting. Eh.. I think it was May. Anyway.. That's my brain nowadays. Scattered. Again.
Genting was cool! Clouds.. Cable cars.. Food.. Shopping! He bought quite a bit there. Food wasn't cheap, but it passed. Caught my first 3D movie in Genting. Men in Black. Were the effects supposed to be popping out quite a bit?
Sustained a fever for 3 days - eve of trip and on first 2 days of the holiday. Panadol kept it down for a few hours and the fever will spring back. Made me kinda sluggish and nasty. Thank God for the patient man.
He was saying that if we revisit Genting, we should try other hotels. Perhaps try some rides?
You know, I simply love love love the idea of a big man peeling teeny eggs for me. Hehehehe.
In July, the man got me a trip to KL. Went to Sunway, and our stay at Hotel Maya was simply fantastic. I like the roller coaster and the rubber mat lie-down slide. Maya was spacious. Our view was of a school and tombstones, but nothing bad. The bed was firm and the pillows soft and fluffy *ooh*. Bathtub was big enough, and he salivated over the rain shower. The indoor hydrotherapy kept him happy in the mornings. Maya changes its lift mats every day. That alone makes me happy!
The trip was ok.. Food was sometimes wanting but overall satisfactory. The only food picture we took was 'cos it was truly good. Not much shopping.
I cried, for the first time during my birthday with a bf.. Not out of happiness. I shall just leave it as this sentence.
In July, boss got married! Yayy.. So pretty! She looked all nicely dolled up and smiley. S, Y and I were her bridesmaids. Our haggling at the gate kinda failed. Haha.. But an overall interesting experience.
Small invitation of close ones, and I did the MC-ing. Was so nervous my whole self literally shook. Gathered strength from my co-MC. A nice and polite man. Looked after me. Congrats boss! Babies soon k..
Mama passed away in August. Supposedly 91 as of birth cert, but since the birth cert in those times don't always reflect the correct age, my dad said she was probably older.
Mummy says it's good Mama passed on without much pain. 4 generations.
Lots of politics again. Even after. The cheek of some people! To claim they did this and that.. But did not, was mean (to her and family), and on top of that, fought it out. Really?! Sometimes it's not just the younger generations who forsake family ties.
Under Uncle AG's request, I was part of 3 grandchildren who gave a eulogy for Mama. Again, I shook uncontrollably from stage fright. Fortunately, my crying masked my shaky voice. Hope I did my dad proud in saying something nice for his mother.
I talked about remembering Mama's food, her last words I heard, her selflessness. Whether coherently or not, her last words I heard were 'xiao xiao'. To mean to live life with a smile, or not to stress in life, I took it as both in my sharing.
Uncle AG mentioned it was good I did not read out from paper. Daddy says I did good. I'm PROUD. Hahaha.
Thanks to all who came. I never realised the importance of seeing people you know take the time to come down. From now, because I finally understand, I will try to make the time too. Thanks to Jas, Sher, Alex, Ted, Phil, Chris, Alv, Mag, SC, Yen and also the rest who helped to offset costs. Thanks to Dear for spending the last night and last day with me.
Mama chose to have her ashes scattered in the ocean. The whole process was something new. The yacht.. the scattering..
Didn't like the pastor much though. Kinda condemning. Everything was like die die die.. We're mean we're evil we're bad.. It's not very helpful is it? You expect people to turn to God just by condemning them? Switched off a while. Not worth listening to.
I guess the wake could get political too? Mummy was pretty upset her closer colleagues didn't come, especially since she herself did make efforts too. Jen and my coy also gave wreaths, while Mummy's didn't, so she was like.......... It won't really cost the employer that much to show some concern, and the employee will be appreciative in return.
Oh yes. The last we saw Mama, my cousin was saying she said she saw Grandpa, and that he wanted to bring her to the beach. Some a nice image! And Mummy said my niece saw Mama return on the 7th day. She was waving to the gate and this freaked the maid out. Then my niece said Mama went to take a dump before leaving.
Daddy says if someone enters your house to clear shit, it's good luck for the occupants. Perhaps Mama was giving luck? Or perhaps.. She was just clearing bowels? After she passed away, her bowels released and I heard the shit kept on coming. My aunt and cousin-in-law had to keep clearing it 'til the flow stopped.
Oooh. Interesting, eh?
These days.. Getting kinda tired lately, again..
--------------------
So in June.. Hmm.. Nvm. Move on to July. Oh! Did we go Genting? I think we went Genting. Eh.. I think it was May. Anyway.. That's my brain nowadays. Scattered. Again.
Genting was cool! Clouds.. Cable cars.. Food.. Shopping! He bought quite a bit there. Food wasn't cheap, but it passed. Caught my first 3D movie in Genting. Men in Black. Were the effects supposed to be popping out quite a bit?
Sustained a fever for 3 days - eve of trip and on first 2 days of the holiday. Panadol kept it down for a few hours and the fever will spring back. Made me kinda sluggish and nasty. Thank God for the patient man.
You know, I simply love love love the idea of a big man peeling teeny eggs for me. Hehehehe.
In July, the man got me a trip to KL. Went to Sunway, and our stay at Hotel Maya was simply fantastic. I like the roller coaster and the rubber mat lie-down slide. Maya was spacious. Our view was of a school and tombstones, but nothing bad. The bed was firm and the pillows soft and fluffy *ooh*. Bathtub was big enough, and he salivated over the rain shower. The indoor hydrotherapy kept him happy in the mornings. Maya changes its lift mats every day. That alone makes me happy!
The trip was ok.. Food was sometimes wanting but overall satisfactory. The only food picture we took was 'cos it was truly good. Not much shopping.
I cried, for the first time during my birthday with a bf.. Not out of happiness. I shall just leave it as this sentence.
Small invitation of close ones, and I did the MC-ing. Was so nervous my whole self literally shook. Gathered strength from my co-MC. A nice and polite man. Looked after me. Congrats boss! Babies soon k..
Mama passed away in August. Supposedly 91 as of birth cert, but since the birth cert in those times don't always reflect the correct age, my dad said she was probably older.
Mummy says it's good Mama passed on without much pain. 4 generations.
Lots of politics again. Even after. The cheek of some people! To claim they did this and that.. But did not, was mean (to her and family), and on top of that, fought it out. Really?! Sometimes it's not just the younger generations who forsake family ties.
Under Uncle AG's request, I was part of 3 grandchildren who gave a eulogy for Mama. Again, I shook uncontrollably from stage fright. Fortunately, my crying masked my shaky voice. Hope I did my dad proud in saying something nice for his mother.
I talked about remembering Mama's food, her last words I heard, her selflessness. Whether coherently or not, her last words I heard were 'xiao xiao'. To mean to live life with a smile, or not to stress in life, I took it as both in my sharing.
Uncle AG mentioned it was good I did not read out from paper. Daddy says I did good. I'm PROUD. Hahaha.
Thanks to all who came. I never realised the importance of seeing people you know take the time to come down. From now, because I finally understand, I will try to make the time too. Thanks to Jas, Sher, Alex, Ted, Phil, Chris, Alv, Mag, SC, Yen and also the rest who helped to offset costs. Thanks to Dear for spending the last night and last day with me.
Mama chose to have her ashes scattered in the ocean. The whole process was something new. The yacht.. the scattering..
Didn't like the pastor much though. Kinda condemning. Everything was like die die die.. We're mean we're evil we're bad.. It's not very helpful is it? You expect people to turn to God just by condemning them? Switched off a while. Not worth listening to.
I guess the wake could get political too? Mummy was pretty upset her closer colleagues didn't come, especially since she herself did make efforts too. Jen and my coy also gave wreaths, while Mummy's didn't, so she was like.......... It won't really cost the employer that much to show some concern, and the employee will be appreciative in return.
Oh yes. The last we saw Mama, my cousin was saying she said she saw Grandpa, and that he wanted to bring her to the beach. Some a nice image! And Mummy said my niece saw Mama return on the 7th day. She was waving to the gate and this freaked the maid out. Then my niece said Mama went to take a dump before leaving.
Daddy says if someone enters your house to clear shit, it's good luck for the occupants. Perhaps Mama was giving luck? Or perhaps.. She was just clearing bowels? After she passed away, her bowels released and I heard the shit kept on coming. My aunt and cousin-in-law had to keep clearing it 'til the flow stopped.
Oooh. Interesting, eh?
These days.. Getting kinda tired lately, again..
--------------------
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