Enough

Probably had just about enough.

Drained, occasionally bi-polaring, lost faith, hope and want.

Perhaps I should grab the chance for a timely change? Or not..

Too much at stake. For parents, for the future family, for self.

But this isn't what I want to do. Doing something that is not your forte drains. Doing something that you don't like, kills. And where's the support?

Was walking to get some water; saw this old man with wrinkly skin and sunken lips munching on some cake. His lunch? His tea? No table, just a seat. This age, working; that spoke to me. He shouldn't be exerting. He should be enjoying his twilight years.

I want to be part of that. To soothe, to cajole, to demonstrate that the last leg of their journey will not be alone. Perhaps some volunteering? Some work hiatus to rejuvenate the soul? (By the way, ice cream is good for your soul.) Then off to xxxx to help some people! Again, circumstances do not allow the luxury of no pay.

Like many others, I'm also a master procrastinator. This desire was seeded years ago. Started in JC, perhaps? That's a good 10 years of non-action. *Slap!*

What do I want?
What do I crave?
What enlivens, or used to enliven, me?
What motivates?
My heart wrenched.
What calls?
I desperately need to rediscover my spark.

I want to do something that will help this particular group. Not the young, not the adults, but the old. Not the sick, not the dying, but the forsaken. Not the homemakers, not the disabled, but the aged.

But can this want feed me, my future family, my parents?

I used to live, to love, to yearn. Now, I'm zombified once again.

Is this what life truly is?

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MAM

My awesome man.

Patient and forgiving.

Quick to concede and slow to anger.

Loving and caring.

Nicest words.

Heart-warming actions.

Capable of reducing me to giggles.

Aww..

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