Bye Bye..

It does hurt. The heart felt squeezeeeeeed.

Yes, everyone tries to help - do eat, do sleep, don't think so much, don't brood..

But all these are not conscious actions. Subconsciously, I'm hungry, but I can't chew. If I try to swallow too much, it's nauseating. I can't sleep, when I miss the familiar warmth beside me. I'm really trying not to think, but distractions are few and far between.. Besides, the heart is hurt, so, the mind is linked = Subconscious moping again.

A big thank you to all who have tried to help, though. I'll be able to feel warm and fuzzy again after the heart stabilises. Appreciate all the hugs and concern. Really. Now it just feels.. empty. Nothing is beautiful anymore.

One blow after the other.. Ms Nathan, then this.. How much can I take?

The East Coast breakwater; the bak kut teh; the Marina Barrage; the nights at CC; the rides to work; the rides home; the movies; the Genting holidays; the pickup from airport after my Vietnam trip; the simple nights spent at home; the early morning wake-ups; the morning lift hugs.

The liang tehs; the Macs; the Cup Walker bubble teas; the outings; the sicknesses; the black plate with a coin; the iPhone games; the korean drama; the nasi lemaks; the moomoo nose rings; the Stripey; the chew chew; the sunburnt skin; the scrub from Body Shop which apparently helped; the moomoo version 1 which never flew; the paws.. the paws.

The teasing; the loving; the joys; the smiles; the ups and downs. The day each month we spend together no matter what. My whole heart was given to you.

I did try. I did put in effort. Some are just not me, some I have been trying to for our sake. Everything needs time. Some made it, some in progress, some had visible results but needed polishing.

Perhaps time wasn't on my side.

And I wouldn't know unless you say.

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Love you, Ms Nathan

A part of me has died.

No, luckily, I still have the love of my life.

Ms Evelyn Joyce Nathan, Civics Tutor / GP Teacher / Literature Teacher of 1T02 and 2T02 2002/2003, has passed away.

24th Nov, couldn't go for invigilation. 27th Nov, found in her flat, by her brother, dead for 3 days.

Ms Nathan was loved by a number of us. She nurtured us, fed us kinky bits of literature, and genuinely cared.

The last we met up? 2008, with Yve, Juls, and me, 4 of us went to JB for a little 1-day shopping and food trip.

In Alex's words, tears shed for Ms Nathan are not wasted. Yes, I bawled my eyes out in front of my colleagues.

Daddy called in the morning to ask Ms Nathan's full name, then he verified that the lady in the newspaper article was her.

Stunned, saddened, pained. Loss of 1 of the very few teachers I would ever shed tears for.

Yes, this is part of life. But it's me to feel so much for this lady. This was really 1 teacher who touches her students' lives.

I remember teasing Ms Nathan about finding a man to settle down with. I remember Ms Nathan trying to set Yve up with a man. I remember Ms Nathan with a Cleopatra hairstyle. I remember Ms Nathan loving the canteen's char siew noodles.

I remember Ms Nathan asking us to address her by her first name, when we turned colleagues. I remember the time I read a Lit text as 'organism', Ms Nathan heard it as 'orgasm', and it tickled her pink. I remember meeting Ms Nathan with my JC classmates few years after JC, and we realised it was her birthday; we celebrated.

I remember Ms Nathan giving me advice and support when I started work. I remember Ms Nathan's beady meow meow purse she gave to me after her China holiday. I remember sitting beside Ms Nathan when we were colleagues.

Wow. Fond memories.

I love you, Ms Nathan.

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