The after-feeling of niceness

Went out with my sec sch friends to celebrate DQ's bday. Felt so bad! We tried bugging him to select something he wants, but still ended up with no gifts for him after walking around a bit. He paid for the bulk of dinner somemore. =P

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We then chilled at the Borders Cafe. Cakes after 8pm are 50% off! Yummy. We had a cheesecake, a chocolate cake and a tiramisu. DQ was complaining the pic isn't nice cos B ate a bit of the choc cake already. The tiramisu would have been nicer if the alcohol was stronger. DY still makes the best tiramisu!! DY is my ex neighbour.

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Haha.. DQ's right.. women can think of everything and link together at once. Look at me. I linked today's gathering with my ex neighbour. How quaint!

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On another note, I'm a hypocrite myself.. Went shopping at TPY and AMK with him before soccer. I would say we're still pretty mushy, even though we're not together anymore. It's pushing 3 mths since I first found out..

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I know I shouldn't be doing this. I should be stronger. I shouldn't be going back to 'rotten meat'. I should not be trapping myself to get hurt again. But then.. Well, I really have no excuse to give for myself for this. I'm torn between my heart and my head. Needless to say, my heart wins most of the time.

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Ohh.. Before I forget, I actually wanted to write that there's an after-feeling of niceness cos THANKS DQ for walking me home!! I know it wasn't convenient for you to walk all the way back out from my place to the bus-stop. The government should really build more bus-stops.

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It's been 8 yrs since my ex sec school mates became my ex sec school mates.

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I survived my first week at Sports School!! Haha.. It isn't terrible. It's just that I know the students won't see me long enough to want to learn, til Mr R gets back. Weren't we all the same when we were 15 / 16 yr olds? Relief = time to take a break. I understand your psyche.

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1 thing I've learned though.. while I grew up, is that I've gained persistance and I'm not afraid to use it. Haha.. So my dearest 3d, 4a, 4c and 4d, I'll take all your shit and throw you mine in return. *big smile* You've still gotta survive 1 more week of me!!

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My colleagues are great! All helpful and polite and endearing to be around. I wish that no matter where I work, my boss and colleagues are always as good as the staff of IJC and SSS. Trust me. You can never ask for a better working environment than these amazing teachers.

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Being tired from training is NOT an excuse to avoid doing homework. Haha..

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Honestly, you don't have a choice. You need to have an all-round education, and in Singapore, you really can't go far without a cert. Your peers are all in the same rat race as you to get the paper qualifications, and it's this cert that'll get you the interview for a job.

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Your advantage is, you have your sports to fall back on. You're getting 1 of the best coaching around, and you are 1 of the elite players in Singapore, so do try to excel in your chosen sport (woohoo volleyball for me!). It will bring you far in your future resumes. Jiayou!!

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PS. I insist. Sport or no sport, compre to be done by wed!

PPS. I stand corrected. There are 3 pools in SSS. Haha.. The olympic-sized one is divided, that's why I thought there was 4 (that's the supposed correction- I haven't checked it out).

Shop til you drop

What females do best (when they have cash).

Jurong Point, last Sat, with my mum, aunts, sis and cousins. Overspent.. twice my budget allocated. Hee.. got a lot of stuff though. Luckily, my mum paid for a few items, otherwise I'd have overspent to 3 times my allocated budget.

Got 2 tops.. 2 pairs of footwear.. 2 pairs of earrings.. nail polish.. choc marshmellows.. 3 masks.. medicine in the hope that my acne'll clear.. and took some neoprints squeezing the 7 of us in.

Literally shopped til we exhausted ourselves out. In the nice, happy, satisfied sense though.

Awesome!!

I love watching synchronised swimming!! So elegant.. so much poise and accomplishment. It's just beautiful!

Went to the Sports School last Friday to sign a contract. I was brought around the school, and managed to catch a few minutes of synchronised swimming practice. It was just 2 trainees, but I was pretty enthralled.

The school is also amazingly huge.. Like I-would-get-lost HUGE. For starters, if I'm not wrong, there are 4 pools (I walked only half the school). Yeah well, when you produce national swimmers, 4 pools should be peanuts for training.

On another note, he was nice today. Offered to send me on my first day of work tomorrow (after slacking for 2mths). See.. he still tries to be sweet. *Awww* I love him being all nice and sweet *slaps my own cheek* wakey wakey qoo..

Yippee!!! Dearest Mr F agreed to gimme a lift to work until my contract ends. Mr F is my ex colleague from ijc who happens to stay in my neighbourhood. He has a tyre fund (which I was hinted at heavily to contribute to) that I feel bad ignoring. Haha..

Mr F ate my Oreo wafer when I was still at ijc. Then, the tainted milk saga from China started and Mr F chided me for letting him eat the wafer. Hee.. Mr F always makes you laugh.

Woohoo free rides!! =) (well, it takes 1hr 15 min to get to work by public transport. I save 45 min - meaning I can snooze - when Mr F doesn't mind fetching me.)

Life sucks

5 out of 7!!

I really. Didn't. Know.

How bad it was.

Don't tell me it's for fun.

Which other man you know verbally sexually harasses 5 out of 7 of his gf's friends whom he'd met before? (and touches 1 where he shouldn't, literally behind your back, in the same car?)

(and all 5 thoroughly disgusted with him - it's not once off. It was finally confessed to me that it happened more than once.)

Am i not entitled to feel all emotions lousy and bad?

Serendipitous study

Went out with G to study.. did get some stuff into my head.. but that's not the best part. I need someone to bitch with me, for me. Not to tell me everything will be okay, not to tell me not to think so much cos it ain't my fault. Not to tell me I'll find a good guy eventually. Duhz.. I know these.

I need answers. And good company. Don't expend your energy consoling me. G is the best person to knock sense into your head. Well, my head at least.

I know men are generally non commital. They like their thrills and fun, and getting away with things they can hide. Boosts their ego. I know there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

Today made me realise.. "men need to love you enough to want to sacrifice for you. Not for the relationship, but for you". Even then, they themselves may still get bored of the relationship once in a while, and look for flings elsewhere. (Yes, plural.)

They. Are. Men. No guy is ever forever faithful. I understand that. I don't even try to protest against that. I just don't understand why you MUST do my gfs out of so many other females around. And, after I introduce you to them as my bf.

I'm not like possessive you know.. I don't restrict you from going out with your friends, male or female. I don't forbid you from chatting aimlessly with girls. I just dislike it if you're talking sex with them (with sex with them in your mind).

Would you like your bf sex-harassing YOUR own galfriends?? Note: harass- meaning my galfriends themselves found it disgusting.

The thing is, I'm so sore now cos I trusted that you wanted to change (you said so yourself) even though I know your less-than-honourable history. I invested my life and emotions in you, only to have them betrayed and lied to.

Worse of all, it was my personal friends you harassed. I was telling G that, if you cheated on me with your own friends or those gals you know online, it won't be as bad as making use of my friends whom I'd introduced to you.

Then again, I don't know how many other girls you've tried to seduce/hit on/sex-harass/f* besides my galfriends. I'm just assuming only my gals.

I'm like a whole package of angry now. Angry at you for trying to seduce MY friends while we were STILL attached (it's 2 big points in 1 action), angry at myself for putting my friends through this and introducing them to such a jerkish bf of mine, and angry at the gals for not warning me sooner.

I mean, hellooo, don't want to tell me cos you all were afraid I'd be hurt? Why don't you TELL me so I wun BE hurt by such a lousy man who does not even feel guilty when trying to play so many gals at once, and who does not even respect his own gf?

Yes, 1 of you told me maybe he's just trying to get to know my friends better. Does that constitute asking if you watch porn? Or "do you wanna f me? But I still love q. But i wanna f someone who's not q" - Then what? So f q's friends la? And hope q doesn't find out? If q finds out then, what? I'm lucky my friend has more shame than to let you f her.

I'm cynical now. I had a beautiful 1yr+ relationship with you, with all the heart-warming things you did for me, letting me believe I was ultimately loved by you. Little did I know what you were doing to my friends behind my back.

How do I ever love again? How do I know my next bf will not be "someone even the guys themselves wanna punch"? (Yes, it's that bad. Thanks G.) Yeah.. be optimistic.. you try being optimistic when you're in my shoes- 1. your galfriends know your bf's a jerk but they'd rather let you stay with a jerk than tell you he's one, and 2. you intro your galfriends to your bf when you go out in a group, and the very next minute he's digging their contacts up and harassing them with offensive sexual questions, asking them to go out, and asking sexual favours, while still doing nice things for you.

Mutual respect, much? Nada.. he doesn't care that those girls are my friends. He just sees them as fresh new girls to play with. And when he's had his fun.. "ohh, I still can go back to q and she'll still love me cos she doesn't know I'm trying to do other girls." 2 birds with 1 stone!

Hypocrite- in your face.

Is it a lot to ask for- if I just ask you to- not f* other gals (when you were still with me), particularly my galfriends, and not to bother them? If you truly wanna befriend my friends, sure! But we all know... you want the physical thrill with them..

There.. ARE guys who err.. are faithful when they're in a relationship right (ie. they don't still try to keep getting into the pants of other girls, AND they don't sexually harass the people in your OWN social circle)?

Do you actually get why I'm so disgusted with this whole incident? I win hands down with the hypocritical bf and sexual harassment of my galfriends by my bf issue. (Yep, plurals. Stats: 5 out of 7 of my galfriends.)

Trust..

is a difficult word. Hard to build, easy peasy to destroy. I hope I'll never have this problem.

I trusted e 5 of you. However, you all gave the same excuse - that you did not want to hurt me. Don't you think that I would fall harder when I finally learnt the truth? Yes, it is not nice being the one to break bad news. You would feel embarrassed and sorry, coupled with the fear of spoiling my 'happiness'.

Do you think I will be happy with this kind of man in the long run? Why didn't the 5 of you warn me, inform me, protect me? I truly understand your points of view. I hope the 5 of you see mine.

And you. You have displaced my trust in you. I have misplaced my faith and happiness in you. You told me you wanted to change. Now I thoroughly regret inviting you when I went out with my friends.

Nothing, nothing on earth, ever warrants you the right to cheat in the relationship. You do not see me getting upset, then running to find your friends for sexual favours, or sexually harass them. You need to wiki 'sexual harassment', and remember that it is disrespectful to do it.

Having the thing between your legs does not make you privvy to insulting women, cheat on them, nor harass them sexually.

For goodness' sake, you had the audacity to touch her when I was sitting in the very same car as you! I have been with you through thick and thin - your months without a job, the tattoo, the wedding, your saturday games - with no complaints. I did not pressure you.

Even if it were my mood swings, go figure. It's called pms. Every female is entitled to it. We can't help it. Some may even have it worse. And it was only periodically. I know I'm not perfect, but do you think you are? I am your gf, not your maid. I am a woman, sleeping in your bed while you did all these without guilt, not a fall-back plan. So what did I do to deserve this? Did I owe you in a past life? Have you returned to haunt me? No. Not by my God.

You would have been the perfect, sweet, caring bf - I appreciate and did not take for granted all the nice little things you have done for me during our relationship - but you spoilt it all with your own hands as well - trying to hit on my friends.

I was not blind to it. I honestly did not know. I'm angry because you harassed my friends. Now I know why you refused to say who you had 'disturbed' - it was almost ALL whom you've met before, wasn't it? Yes, I've done my detective work. The current stats stand at 5 out of 7 of my girl friends who were verbally sexually harassed by you. 5!! Is it not a basic understanding that your gf's or bf's friends are UNtouchables, unless you aren't in the relationship anymore?

I am lucky my 5 girls stood by me. Appreciate C for telling me. Thanks L and D for coming clean. Thanks to S and S for supporting me. I will not wish you karma, for I am not evil. I just hope you learn to respect and cherish women one day.

Darn jam

I took like, 95mins to get to sim today. Usually it takes abt an hr, but i'm exceptionally pissed now cos it made me 25min late for my ise mock. Not tt i did e whole paper.. I left after 1hr.. But i managed to at least attempt all 3 qns. I was e only 1 out of e entire part time class! Entered e room, n its like, wow.. No one wants to try mocks huh? Daddy picked me up from sim.. Free ride! Happy.