Serendipitous study

Went out with G to study.. did get some stuff into my head.. but that's not the best part. I need someone to bitch with me, for me. Not to tell me everything will be okay, not to tell me not to think so much cos it ain't my fault. Not to tell me I'll find a good guy eventually. Duhz.. I know these.

I need answers. And good company. Don't expend your energy consoling me. G is the best person to knock sense into your head. Well, my head at least.

I know men are generally non commital. They like their thrills and fun, and getting away with things they can hide. Boosts their ego. I know there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

Today made me realise.. "men need to love you enough to want to sacrifice for you. Not for the relationship, but for you". Even then, they themselves may still get bored of the relationship once in a while, and look for flings elsewhere. (Yes, plural.)

They. Are. Men. No guy is ever forever faithful. I understand that. I don't even try to protest against that. I just don't understand why you MUST do my gfs out of so many other females around. And, after I introduce you to them as my bf.

I'm not like possessive you know.. I don't restrict you from going out with your friends, male or female. I don't forbid you from chatting aimlessly with girls. I just dislike it if you're talking sex with them (with sex with them in your mind).

Would you like your bf sex-harassing YOUR own galfriends?? Note: harass- meaning my galfriends themselves found it disgusting.

The thing is, I'm so sore now cos I trusted that you wanted to change (you said so yourself) even though I know your less-than-honourable history. I invested my life and emotions in you, only to have them betrayed and lied to.

Worse of all, it was my personal friends you harassed. I was telling G that, if you cheated on me with your own friends or those gals you know online, it won't be as bad as making use of my friends whom I'd introduced to you.

Then again, I don't know how many other girls you've tried to seduce/hit on/sex-harass/f* besides my galfriends. I'm just assuming only my gals.

I'm like a whole package of angry now. Angry at you for trying to seduce MY friends while we were STILL attached (it's 2 big points in 1 action), angry at myself for putting my friends through this and introducing them to such a jerkish bf of mine, and angry at the gals for not warning me sooner.

I mean, hellooo, don't want to tell me cos you all were afraid I'd be hurt? Why don't you TELL me so I wun BE hurt by such a lousy man who does not even feel guilty when trying to play so many gals at once, and who does not even respect his own gf?

Yes, 1 of you told me maybe he's just trying to get to know my friends better. Does that constitute asking if you watch porn? Or "do you wanna f me? But I still love q. But i wanna f someone who's not q" - Then what? So f q's friends la? And hope q doesn't find out? If q finds out then, what? I'm lucky my friend has more shame than to let you f her.

I'm cynical now. I had a beautiful 1yr+ relationship with you, with all the heart-warming things you did for me, letting me believe I was ultimately loved by you. Little did I know what you were doing to my friends behind my back.

How do I ever love again? How do I know my next bf will not be "someone even the guys themselves wanna punch"? (Yes, it's that bad. Thanks G.) Yeah.. be optimistic.. you try being optimistic when you're in my shoes- 1. your galfriends know your bf's a jerk but they'd rather let you stay with a jerk than tell you he's one, and 2. you intro your galfriends to your bf when you go out in a group, and the very next minute he's digging their contacts up and harassing them with offensive sexual questions, asking them to go out, and asking sexual favours, while still doing nice things for you.

Mutual respect, much? Nada.. he doesn't care that those girls are my friends. He just sees them as fresh new girls to play with. And when he's had his fun.. "ohh, I still can go back to q and she'll still love me cos she doesn't know I'm trying to do other girls." 2 birds with 1 stone!

Hypocrite- in your face.

Is it a lot to ask for- if I just ask you to- not f* other gals (when you were still with me), particularly my galfriends, and not to bother them? If you truly wanna befriend my friends, sure! But we all know... you want the physical thrill with them..

There.. ARE guys who err.. are faithful when they're in a relationship right (ie. they don't still try to keep getting into the pants of other girls, AND they don't sexually harass the people in your OWN social circle)?

Do you actually get why I'm so disgusted with this whole incident? I win hands down with the hypocritical bf and sexual harassment of my galfriends by my bf issue. (Yep, plurals. Stats: 5 out of 7 of my galfriends.)