It does hurt. The heart felt squeezeeeeeed.
Yes, everyone tries to help - do eat, do sleep, don't think so much, don't brood..
But all these are not conscious actions. Subconsciously, I'm hungry, but I can't chew. If I try to swallow too much, it's nauseating. I can't sleep, when I miss the familiar warmth beside me. I'm really trying not to think, but distractions are few and far between.. Besides, the heart is hurt, so, the mind is linked = Subconscious moping again.
A big thank you to all who have tried to help, though. I'll be able to feel warm and fuzzy again after the heart stabilises. Appreciate all the hugs and concern. Really. Now it just feels.. empty. Nothing is beautiful anymore.
One blow after the other.. Ms Nathan, then this.. How much can I take?
The East Coast breakwater; the bak kut teh; the Marina Barrage; the nights at CC; the rides to work; the rides home; the movies; the Genting holidays; the pickup from airport after my Vietnam trip; the simple nights spent at home; the early morning wake-ups; the morning lift hugs.
The liang tehs; the Macs; the Cup Walker bubble teas; the outings; the sicknesses; the black plate with a coin; the iPhone games; the korean drama; the nasi lemaks; the moomoo nose rings; the Stripey; the chew chew; the sunburnt skin; the scrub from Body Shop which apparently helped; the moomoo version 1 which never flew; the paws.. the paws.
The teasing; the loving; the joys; the smiles; the ups and downs. The day each month we spend together no matter what. My whole heart was given to you.
I did try. I did put in effort. Some are just not me, some I have been trying to for our sake. Everything needs time. Some made it, some in progress, some had visible results but needed polishing.
Perhaps time wasn't on my side.
And I wouldn't know unless you say.
----------------------------
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Love you, Ms Nathan
A part of me has died.
No, luckily, I still have the love of my life.
Ms Evelyn Joyce Nathan, Civics Tutor / GP Teacher / Literature Teacher of 1T02 and 2T02 2002/2003, has passed away.
24th Nov, couldn't go for invigilation. 27th Nov, found in her flat, by her brother, dead for 3 days.
Ms Nathan was loved by a number of us. She nurtured us, fed us kinky bits of literature, and genuinely cared.
The last we met up? 2008, with Yve, Juls, and me, 4 of us went to JB for a little 1-day shopping and food trip.
In Alex's words, tears shed for Ms Nathan are not wasted. Yes, I bawled my eyes out in front of my colleagues.
Daddy called in the morning to ask Ms Nathan's full name, then he verified that the lady in the newspaper article was her.
Stunned, saddened, pained. Loss of 1 of the very few teachers I would ever shed tears for.
Yes, this is part of life. But it's me to feel so much for this lady. This was really 1 teacher who touches her students' lives.
I remember teasing Ms Nathan about finding a man to settle down with. I remember Ms Nathan trying to set Yve up with a man. I remember Ms Nathan with a Cleopatra hairstyle. I remember Ms Nathan loving the canteen's char siew noodles.
I remember Ms Nathan asking us to address her by her first name, when we turned colleagues. I remember the time I read a Lit text as 'organism', Ms Nathan heard it as 'orgasm', and it tickled her pink. I remember meeting Ms Nathan with my JC classmates few years after JC, and we realised it was her birthday; we celebrated.
I remember Ms Nathan giving me advice and support when I started work. I remember Ms Nathan's beady meow meow purse she gave to me after her China holiday. I remember sitting beside Ms Nathan when we were colleagues.
Wow. Fond memories.
I love you, Ms Nathan.
------------------------------
No, luckily, I still have the love of my life.
Ms Evelyn Joyce Nathan, Civics Tutor / GP Teacher / Literature Teacher of 1T02 and 2T02 2002/2003, has passed away.
24th Nov, couldn't go for invigilation. 27th Nov, found in her flat, by her brother, dead for 3 days.
Ms Nathan was loved by a number of us. She nurtured us, fed us kinky bits of literature, and genuinely cared.
The last we met up? 2008, with Yve, Juls, and me, 4 of us went to JB for a little 1-day shopping and food trip.
In Alex's words, tears shed for Ms Nathan are not wasted. Yes, I bawled my eyes out in front of my colleagues.
Daddy called in the morning to ask Ms Nathan's full name, then he verified that the lady in the newspaper article was her.
Stunned, saddened, pained. Loss of 1 of the very few teachers I would ever shed tears for.
Yes, this is part of life. But it's me to feel so much for this lady. This was really 1 teacher who touches her students' lives.
I remember teasing Ms Nathan about finding a man to settle down with. I remember Ms Nathan trying to set Yve up with a man. I remember Ms Nathan with a Cleopatra hairstyle. I remember Ms Nathan loving the canteen's char siew noodles.
I remember Ms Nathan asking us to address her by her first name, when we turned colleagues. I remember the time I read a Lit text as 'organism', Ms Nathan heard it as 'orgasm', and it tickled her pink. I remember meeting Ms Nathan with my JC classmates few years after JC, and we realised it was her birthday; we celebrated.
I remember Ms Nathan giving me advice and support when I started work. I remember Ms Nathan's beady meow meow purse she gave to me after her China holiday. I remember sitting beside Ms Nathan when we were colleagues.
Wow. Fond memories.
I love you, Ms Nathan.
------------------------------
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Quarter Century Bday / Grad Trip!
To Vietnam! 4 days 3 nights. Jas, Jen, Sherry and Shirlyn sponsored $40 each =P
2 days tour, 2 days free and easy, aka SHOPPING. Sherry, Shirlyn, Jas and me went to Ho Chi Minh - Scooter City!
I bought 2 hp holders, 2 bags, 2 recycled-can-ornament cars, 30 dragonflies, 10 fans, 1 tee, 5 packs lotus seeds, 2 pouches and 6 clay flower ornaments, and had ice cream twice, 1 lunch, 1 night drink, 1 express mani, 1 express pedi and at least 5 taxi rides- all for S$120!! Trip overall cost is S$788 (excluding shopping) 'cos we took SIA instead of budget airline.
Our shopping was mostly centered around Cho (Market) Ben Thanh, 'cos the rest were not touristy, and too far from our hotel.
The hotel was amazing! Newly opened 1 year ago, it is essentially a 3-star hotel, 'cos no bar / gym / pool, but the facilities were great! Big beds, clean and spacious toilet, flat-screen tv, and overall cosy and welcoming! I really expected worse for a 3-star hotel.
Food was err.. up to the individual's liking. =P The people there were all slim or skinny, did not spot any plump ones at all, though the Viet food was generally deep fried and quite oily. I cannot survive the food there 'cos of the mint leaves. Straight off the plant, the leaves were unprocessed, HOT and bitter!
Even for me, though I like my chillies, the mint there was really beyond me. The menthol feeling explodes in your mouth, and they were everywhere!! Was hard for me to stomach the food. There were a lot of tomato bases too.. Yes, I don't like tomatoes. If I ever want to lose weight, I'll ship myself off to Viet for a month!
The road-crossing was scary, yet thrilling! No proper traffic lights / zebra crossing. Just wait, look, cross! I led the girls a few times, but they kept screaming 'til I finally got scared as well. Odd. Shouldn't it be I get afraid first?
The tour took us to Cu Chi Tunnels, Mekong Delta, and some other landmarks like Post Office, Notre Dame Cathedral, Reunification Palace and Coconut Candy workshops. Will upload pictures another time.
The tunnels were remmants of the war - similar to what I saw in Cambodia during my volunteer work with Boys' Brigade. Gruesome, heart-wrenching, educational. We also took some boat rides on the Delta - and saw lots of water hyacinth!
Would like to go back - I love rustic places. Would be nice to see other parts of Viet too. It's always wonderful to learn about other cultures.
--------------------
2 days tour, 2 days free and easy, aka SHOPPING. Sherry, Shirlyn, Jas and me went to Ho Chi Minh - Scooter City!
I bought 2 hp holders, 2 bags, 2 recycled-can-ornament cars, 30 dragonflies, 10 fans, 1 tee, 5 packs lotus seeds, 2 pouches and 6 clay flower ornaments, and had ice cream twice, 1 lunch, 1 night drink, 1 express mani, 1 express pedi and at least 5 taxi rides- all for S$120!! Trip overall cost is S$788 (excluding shopping) 'cos we took SIA instead of budget airline.
Our shopping was mostly centered around Cho (Market) Ben Thanh, 'cos the rest were not touristy, and too far from our hotel.
The hotel was amazing! Newly opened 1 year ago, it is essentially a 3-star hotel, 'cos no bar / gym / pool, but the facilities were great! Big beds, clean and spacious toilet, flat-screen tv, and overall cosy and welcoming! I really expected worse for a 3-star hotel.
Food was err.. up to the individual's liking. =P The people there were all slim or skinny, did not spot any plump ones at all, though the Viet food was generally deep fried and quite oily. I cannot survive the food there 'cos of the mint leaves. Straight off the plant, the leaves were unprocessed, HOT and bitter!
Even for me, though I like my chillies, the mint there was really beyond me. The menthol feeling explodes in your mouth, and they were everywhere!! Was hard for me to stomach the food. There were a lot of tomato bases too.. Yes, I don't like tomatoes. If I ever want to lose weight, I'll ship myself off to Viet for a month!
The road-crossing was scary, yet thrilling! No proper traffic lights / zebra crossing. Just wait, look, cross! I led the girls a few times, but they kept screaming 'til I finally got scared as well. Odd. Shouldn't it be I get afraid first?
The tour took us to Cu Chi Tunnels, Mekong Delta, and some other landmarks like Post Office, Notre Dame Cathedral, Reunification Palace and Coconut Candy workshops. Will upload pictures another time.
The tunnels were remmants of the war - similar to what I saw in Cambodia during my volunteer work with Boys' Brigade. Gruesome, heart-wrenching, educational. We also took some boat rides on the Delta - and saw lots of water hyacinth!
Would like to go back - I love rustic places. Would be nice to see other parts of Viet too. It's always wonderful to learn about other cultures.
--------------------
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Irony
Dear's found a job!
I should be happy. I AM happy! For him. He has been feeling pressured to get a full-time job and also to further studies.
Now, he's finally found a job that is not desk-bound, that brings him places, and that possibly uses his talents. What could be better?
This job brings dear away from me, though. First project? 2 months in the States. How will I endure 2 months with no one to hug and to hold, to love and be loved in return? If he's working, I'm sleeping. I can't contact him 'cos he wouldn't be able to reply. If I'm working, he's sleeping. I cannot and would not want him to wake in the middle of the night just to msn me.
Loss..
Ache..
Yearn..
Pine..
Our last breakfast together? At the amk hawker centre with darn nice longan and coconut drink. I cannot sleep over with dear anymore too, since he starts work earlier than me. I wouldn't want to leave the same time as him, and reach my work super early. It would be unfair to want him to sleep over with me instead.
Sigh.. 50 years, through thick and thin.
I love my cannibal.
--------------------
I should be happy. I AM happy! For him. He has been feeling pressured to get a full-time job and also to further studies.
Now, he's finally found a job that is not desk-bound, that brings him places, and that possibly uses his talents. What could be better?
This job brings dear away from me, though. First project? 2 months in the States. How will I endure 2 months with no one to hug and to hold, to love and be loved in return? If he's working, I'm sleeping. I can't contact him 'cos he wouldn't be able to reply. If I'm working, he's sleeping. I cannot and would not want him to wake in the middle of the night just to msn me.
Loss..
Ache..
Yearn..
Pine..
Our last breakfast together? At the amk hawker centre with darn nice longan and coconut drink. I cannot sleep over with dear anymore too, since he starts work earlier than me. I wouldn't want to leave the same time as him, and reach my work super early. It would be unfair to want him to sleep over with me instead.
Sigh.. 50 years, through thick and thin.
I love my cannibal.
--------------------
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
-.-
Oh man.. Numbers are gonna kill me. Numbers are the bane of my life.
Was trying to do some invoices. Count and count and count, doesn't add up. In the end, it was a miscalculation from my colleague's part.
Then I tried to do another invoice, count and count and count and count and counted yet again! So I stood up, and counted once more. Bloody GST.
Need to take a walk and clear my head of numbers, if not I'm sure going bonkers.
Can't concentrate at all today.
--------------------
Was trying to do some invoices. Count and count and count, doesn't add up. In the end, it was a miscalculation from my colleague's part.
Then I tried to do another invoice, count and count and count and count and counted yet again! So I stood up, and counted once more. Bloody GST.
Need to take a walk and clear my head of numbers, if not I'm sure going bonkers.
Can't concentrate at all today.
--------------------
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
woohoo!
Genting trip with dear was AMAZING! To remind me in future, this is our blog: www.ypyh.blogspot.com
I am getting so forgetful.
Next up, trip with dear and his friends!! I can't wait!!
As long as he is there with me.. *sickeningly lovesick*
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I am getting so forgetful.
Next up, trip with dear and his friends!! I can't wait!!
As long as he is there with me.. *sickeningly lovesick*
--------------------
Thursday, May 13, 2010
=S
Sigh..
Going Genting in 2 days.. Lost some of the excitement.
Can't pinpoint the exact reason(s).
Oh no..
Well, at least I'll have some respite from work.
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Going Genting in 2 days.. Lost some of the excitement.
Can't pinpoint the exact reason(s).
Oh no..
Well, at least I'll have some respite from work.
--------------------
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
=S
Everytime it rains at CC, the thunder shakes the whole office. Windows, shutters, and trees too.. suddenly looking terrifying in the impending downpour.
I don't want to die in the office!! =P For some particular reason, in the past few downpours, we have been especially susceptible to lightning striking our roofs and our own nearby grounds within our premises.
I will want to tell you dear.. But if in regards to this morning, I was just tired.. And you did not seem too good yourself. I felt a bit lethargic. Sorry for missing out on your morning hug.
Oh man.. Hear the thunder ROAR!! Look at the lightning zigzag near us!! I'm gonna huddle in my jacket and tiptap on my keyboard.
Love you dear.
--------------------
I don't want to die in the office!! =P For some particular reason, in the past few downpours, we have been especially susceptible to lightning striking our roofs and our own nearby grounds within our premises.
I will want to tell you dear.. But if in regards to this morning, I was just tired.. And you did not seem too good yourself. I felt a bit lethargic. Sorry for missing out on your morning hug.
Oh man.. Hear the thunder ROAR!! Look at the lightning zigzag near us!! I'm gonna huddle in my jacket and tiptap on my keyboard.
Love you dear.
--------------------
Thursday, April 22, 2010
wOof!
Big dogs.. Small dogs..
Dog Show at CC this Sat, 24th April! By Singapore Kennel Club.
Can't wait to see!
Poor poor ger ger.. I wanna cry. =(
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Dog Show at CC this Sat, 24th April! By Singapore Kennel Club.
Can't wait to see!
Poor poor ger ger.. I wanna cry. =(
--------------------
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
maths fail
If we couldn't meet for 2 days, and it felt like 2 months, how would 4, maybe 5 or 6, days feel like?
It may just be the honeymoon period, where we're still new to each other. When we are still discovering each other, when we still have a strong desire to spend our time infused into each other's life.
Could we spend the next 49 years and 10.75 months like that? It may sound like an overkill, but it's also a wonderful thought I like that, at the same time, may seem a bit dreamy and far-fetched.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder, or does being out of sight make it akin to being out of mind?
I had an amazing morning sms today. Awoke, to this long message that aptly puts into words: longing and love, heartache and tender thoughts. It could melt anyone's heart. My romancist is at work again.
The next time we fight, I'll show you this sms- But what is this sms to you? Just a normal morning sms to me? To me, it is so much more. It reassures me that I am loved, I am wanted, I am cherished, I am yours. Muahahaha no more turning back!!
I wanna be evil. I want you to need me all the time. Yeah yeah I'm selfish. I shall strive not to be so. =P
--------------------
It may just be the honeymoon period, where we're still new to each other. When we are still discovering each other, when we still have a strong desire to spend our time infused into each other's life.
Could we spend the next 49 years and 10.75 months like that? It may sound like an overkill, but it's also a wonderful thought I like that, at the same time, may seem a bit dreamy and far-fetched.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder, or does being out of sight make it akin to being out of mind?
I had an amazing morning sms today. Awoke, to this long message that aptly puts into words: longing and love, heartache and tender thoughts. It could melt anyone's heart. My romancist is at work again.
The next time we fight, I'll show you this sms- But what is this sms to you? Just a normal morning sms to me? To me, it is so much more. It reassures me that I am loved, I am wanted, I am cherished, I am yours. Muahahaha no more turning back!!
I wanna be evil. I want you to need me all the time. Yeah yeah I'm selfish. I shall strive not to be so. =P
--------------------
Sunday, March 28, 2010
=)
Yay!! Taking a break from work for 2 days. A hinted that it's time I took a break since I've been working for a few weekends. If A didn't say, I didn't realise, I wouldn't be able to take a break for another 4 weeks!!
After so much had happened these past 3 months, yesterday was a welcome relief. Did nothing!! Woke late, watched TV, bought tidbits, and literally slacked the whole day away. Not itching to go out as of yet. Am simply satisfied to just waste the time that I can waste. Recharge for another stretch!
Am back at work today, Sunday, for a few hours of work 'cos got client. They are nice though. Thoughtful and friendly. Makes my day.
I like the service today. Reminds me of OLPS.
Can't wait to vball wif J and C!!
--------------------
After so much had happened these past 3 months, yesterday was a welcome relief. Did nothing!! Woke late, watched TV, bought tidbits, and literally slacked the whole day away. Not itching to go out as of yet. Am simply satisfied to just waste the time that I can waste. Recharge for another stretch!
Am back at work today, Sunday, for a few hours of work 'cos got client. They are nice though. Thoughtful and friendly. Makes my day.
I like the service today. Reminds me of OLPS.
Can't wait to vball wif J and C!!
--------------------
Friday, March 19, 2010
Just another list of complaints
Oh no.. I gotta stop complaining to my blog. Then again..
Feeling all headachy and feverishy and high strung and jittery and fidgety. Probably the effect of walking in the rain thrice today.. And probably the sum of all bothers by people cascading together with a difficult someone who popped out physically today. Also probably because the past 2 weeks had been a mad rush.
Caught in between 2 parties with 1 issue, caught in between another 2 parties with the 2nd issue. Also another 2 people expecting a lot from me cos I keep giving instructions.. And I feel terrible making them work like shit. Yet stuff from this particular place simply love to keep coming, without clear instructions, and I get to bear the brunt of it. How quaint! I would not retaliate, cos I would sometimes require help from them too. They do expect a lot from our side though.. We're not always free..!
Is it wrong to want not to cause trouble? How long can I stay peacemaker / shit taker? Haha.. Reminds me of a sentence: "If you can take the shit, I can take the pain." Yucks.
And the fussy, demanding, picky, annoying, low EQ peprson!! Full of shit!! Ugh.. Pisses me off. I'm not the freaking maid.
All I will do is rant to my blog.. No point poisoning other people's ears with my thoughts.
Really really need to offload somewhere. Working on backup brain cells now.
Shut up, qoo.
--------------------
Feeling all headachy and feverishy and high strung and jittery and fidgety. Probably the effect of walking in the rain thrice today.. And probably the sum of all bothers by people cascading together with a difficult someone who popped out physically today. Also probably because the past 2 weeks had been a mad rush.
Caught in between 2 parties with 1 issue, caught in between another 2 parties with the 2nd issue. Also another 2 people expecting a lot from me cos I keep giving instructions.. And I feel terrible making them work like shit. Yet stuff from this particular place simply love to keep coming, without clear instructions, and I get to bear the brunt of it. How quaint! I would not retaliate, cos I would sometimes require help from them too. They do expect a lot from our side though.. We're not always free..!
Is it wrong to want not to cause trouble? How long can I stay peacemaker / shit taker? Haha.. Reminds me of a sentence: "If you can take the shit, I can take the pain." Yucks.
And the fussy, demanding, picky, annoying, low EQ peprson!! Full of shit!! Ugh.. Pisses me off. I'm not the freaking maid.
All I will do is rant to my blog.. No point poisoning other people's ears with my thoughts.
Really really need to offload somewhere. Working on backup brain cells now.
Shut up, qoo.
--------------------
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My Cherie Amour
You're finally coming back!
It's so hard to wait for an sms.. or for msn.
And it's only been 2 days, and 2 nights where I can't sleep..
Went through L's songs today, and I found My Cherie Amour..
=) Can't wait to see you tonight.
--------------------
It's so hard to wait for an sms.. or for msn.
And it's only been 2 days, and 2 nights where I can't sleep..
Went through L's songs today, and I found My Cherie Amour..
=) Can't wait to see you tonight.
--------------------
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I'm bored
Yep I am.
It's only 1030 hrs.. What am I going to do for the rest of the weekend in office?
I feel so restricted and mundane in the office..
--------------------
It's only 1030 hrs.. What am I going to do for the rest of the weekend in office?
I feel so restricted and mundane in the office..
--------------------
Friday, March 12, 2010
!!!!!
Arghhhh!!
Soooooooo many bugs in CC! The in-house lizard is something I can get used to, but 2 beetles in the instructor toilet?! How to bathe??
I probably spent a few minutes trying to flush them away. For some reason, they are really resilient. Just. Wouldn't. Budge! Water power perhaps too weak. Ended up bathing while keeping an eye on those 2 beetles. They're about the size of 2 keys on a normal PC keyboard.
We were changing out the bedsheets 'cos SOME people conveniently thought we have hotel service, and happily left the site.. So Jl helped me to clean out the room before my clients checked in. I did inform that I have a check-in today, but SOME people refused to move faster. Thank God that H works fast.
There was this HUGE insect on one of the pillows. Looks like a beetle of some sort. Size of 4 keys on a PC keyboard. Yup, this was huge. Called A over, he picked it up and chased us with it. Needless to say, Jl and me screamed. In front of the in-support group. Ugh. Embarrassing. So unglam.
Wonder if it's real. Could be a souveneir the previous group left for us. Oh man..
That's not all. For the 3rd shock today, there was a wasp of sorts in A's room, the room with attached toilet - the toilet that has the beetles. I thought I could escape it so I went into the toilet - and found the 2 beetles that freaked my bath time. The wasp flew around and banged into stuff.. But when I came out, it had gone.
Lastly, Jl happily dragged me outside on the pretext of showing me something 'I should see'. Well well.. some ants in the bin, that looked like maggots against the trash bag. Gross. Reminds me of the ants-infested snack packs.
I need a break from bugs.. My heart can take no more. Ahhhh my heores are all not around!! S has gone to Mercure.. Jr is probably enjoying the weekend.. How come I'm in office??
--------------------
Soooooooo many bugs in CC! The in-house lizard is something I can get used to, but 2 beetles in the instructor toilet?! How to bathe??
I probably spent a few minutes trying to flush them away. For some reason, they are really resilient. Just. Wouldn't. Budge! Water power perhaps too weak. Ended up bathing while keeping an eye on those 2 beetles. They're about the size of 2 keys on a normal PC keyboard.
We were changing out the bedsheets 'cos SOME people conveniently thought we have hotel service, and happily left the site.. So Jl helped me to clean out the room before my clients checked in. I did inform that I have a check-in today, but SOME people refused to move faster. Thank God that H works fast.
There was this HUGE insect on one of the pillows. Looks like a beetle of some sort. Size of 4 keys on a PC keyboard. Yup, this was huge. Called A over, he picked it up and chased us with it. Needless to say, Jl and me screamed. In front of the in-support group. Ugh. Embarrassing. So unglam.
Wonder if it's real. Could be a souveneir the previous group left for us. Oh man..
That's not all. For the 3rd shock today, there was a wasp of sorts in A's room, the room with attached toilet - the toilet that has the beetles. I thought I could escape it so I went into the toilet - and found the 2 beetles that freaked my bath time. The wasp flew around and banged into stuff.. But when I came out, it had gone.
Lastly, Jl happily dragged me outside on the pretext of showing me something 'I should see'. Well well.. some ants in the bin, that looked like maggots against the trash bag. Gross. Reminds me of the ants-infested snack packs.
I need a break from bugs.. My heart can take no more. Ahhhh my heores are all not around!! S has gone to Mercure.. Jr is probably enjoying the weekend.. How come I'm in office??
--------------------
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Last Night
Of AI.
I'm not even running the camp / participating in the camp, yet I feel so tired.
Probably getting old. Too much stuff on my mind, too much things to settle, too much issues to clear.
Probably also because my sleep habits are getting warped. These 4 nights, I have been hooked to working at night - when it's more peaceful, and thus, in the day, I am more lethargic.
I'm starting to dry myself up mentally...
Still thrilled that he's making an effort to come to camp every night. =)
--------------------
I'm not even running the camp / participating in the camp, yet I feel so tired.
Probably getting old. Too much stuff on my mind, too much things to settle, too much issues to clear.
Probably also because my sleep habits are getting warped. These 4 nights, I have been hooked to working at night - when it's more peaceful, and thus, in the day, I am more lethargic.
I'm starting to dry myself up mentally...
Still thrilled that he's making an effort to come to camp every night. =)
--------------------
=S
In the office.. At the site itself, besides being mosquito feeders and bug escapers, we are now ant killers too.
6 teams' snack packs were infested with ants today. The packs were still fine yesterday. The ants literally chewed through the plastic, and swarmed into the biscuits!
All the biscuits and tins supporting the packs were overrun with ants. Big ones, small ones.. I observed them for a while. Interesting! They're like 2 way traffic - neatly going to and from the food source. The big ants chewed the holes and the small ones got the food out. Jl was asking how long it would take for the ants to clear up all the food.
We did not want to find out. Jr bravely picked the packs up and threw them away. Then he swept away the rest as if they were only dust.
Jl then took our only can of pesticide, and sprayed those outside the office door. They have gotten everywhere!! Probably some nest somewhere.
Not like we can help it. We should get used to it! This being a rustic area and all..
It's just soo... Gross.
--------------------
6 teams' snack packs were infested with ants today. The packs were still fine yesterday. The ants literally chewed through the plastic, and swarmed into the biscuits!
All the biscuits and tins supporting the packs were overrun with ants. Big ones, small ones.. I observed them for a while. Interesting! They're like 2 way traffic - neatly going to and from the food source. The big ants chewed the holes and the small ones got the food out. Jl was asking how long it would take for the ants to clear up all the food.
We did not want to find out. Jr bravely picked the packs up and threw them away. Then he swept away the rest as if they were only dust.
Jl then took our only can of pesticide, and sprayed those outside the office door. They have gotten everywhere!! Probably some nest somewhere.
Not like we can help it. We should get used to it! This being a rustic area and all..
It's just soo... Gross.
--------------------
Monday, March 8, 2010
quiet office
Me and V in the office again.. Just the 2 of us, until the rest start streaming in after their activities.
I really enjoy the peace here. Or, what's left of it.
Gonna be here til the 11th.. Work-life integration!! No life!! How can dear love me when I'm so boring?? Haha..
All work and no play makes qorrine duller than dull.
Work.. Time to see if the kids are done with dinner!
=)
--------------------
I really enjoy the peace here. Or, what's left of it.
Gonna be here til the 11th.. Work-life integration!! No life!! How can dear love me when I'm so boring?? Haha..
All work and no play makes qorrine duller than dull.
Work.. Time to see if the kids are done with dinner!
=)
--------------------
4 days 4 nights
How much time does it take for one to feel tired?
Have I changed, really? I see my girls.. So much more open, straightforward, clear, demanding. I see me.. I know what I want, but my style, my character.. It doesn't fit.
I find me cynical, sour and lacking in patience nowadays.
I was so happy 3 months ago. Today I've gotten what I had been waiting for, but I'm not the least ecstatic. Not one bit. The reality of it stunned me. The impact, the realisation.
There are parts I loved, and still do, but sometimes, certain issues outweigh everything else.
Well, now that I'm stuck, I know that there are at least 2 people who are willing to give me support.. Just one sms from L, and it really warmed my heart. It's not about being appreciated. It's about knowing that there's someone out there, near me, who understands what I'm going through, who empathises with my thoughts, who acknowledges my feelings. I shall keep that sms.
There is only so far that I can go to keep my worth. There is only so much that I'm willing to do, while I can, while I can..
There is only so much that I can take; I am not as strong as L. My heart rules my head. If this is to toughen me up, I don't like what's happening to me. I don't ever want to be bitter, demanding, irrational.
I don't need to be rich, famous, reputable, feared. I just really want to be nice.
My toes are laughing.. Nice people cannot survive in this world. Look at L.. He struggles so much more, yet blindness envelopes all..
There is more than 1 style in this world. I got to adapt. No one will hear reason.
I don't know what I'm talking about. Stop complaining, qoo..
--------------------
Have I changed, really? I see my girls.. So much more open, straightforward, clear, demanding. I see me.. I know what I want, but my style, my character.. It doesn't fit.
I find me cynical, sour and lacking in patience nowadays.
I was so happy 3 months ago. Today I've gotten what I had been waiting for, but I'm not the least ecstatic. Not one bit. The reality of it stunned me. The impact, the realisation.
There are parts I loved, and still do, but sometimes, certain issues outweigh everything else.
Well, now that I'm stuck, I know that there are at least 2 people who are willing to give me support.. Just one sms from L, and it really warmed my heart. It's not about being appreciated. It's about knowing that there's someone out there, near me, who understands what I'm going through, who empathises with my thoughts, who acknowledges my feelings. I shall keep that sms.
There is only so far that I can go to keep my worth. There is only so much that I'm willing to do, while I can, while I can..
There is only so much that I can take; I am not as strong as L. My heart rules my head. If this is to toughen me up, I don't like what's happening to me. I don't ever want to be bitter, demanding, irrational.
I don't need to be rich, famous, reputable, feared. I just really want to be nice.
My toes are laughing.. Nice people cannot survive in this world. Look at L.. He struggles so much more, yet blindness envelopes all..
There is more than 1 style in this world. I got to adapt. No one will hear reason.
I don't know what I'm talking about. Stop complaining, qoo..
--------------------
Thursday, March 4, 2010
=)
I'm happy today. Actually, I'm happy tonight.
Got quite a few work issues cleared up, and the office is so peaceful and conducive to work at night, when no one is around.
Except C, of course. Kindly offered to stay in office and work with me until I'm done.
I think he has work to do too, or just did not want to leave me alone here. Well, he could have gone to buy another pair of slippers to replace the ones he lost in Bintan. Guess it was my presence that involuntarily held him back. Ooops.
The last clients at 6.30pm were fantastic too. So jovial. Brightens up anyone's gloomy day. Men are so flexible and easy-going. Nice to work with.
I'm really surrounded by great people at this point in my life. So grateful to God.
--------------------
Got quite a few work issues cleared up, and the office is so peaceful and conducive to work at night, when no one is around.
Except C, of course. Kindly offered to stay in office and work with me until I'm done.
I think he has work to do too, or just did not want to leave me alone here. Well, he could have gone to buy another pair of slippers to replace the ones he lost in Bintan. Guess it was my presence that involuntarily held him back. Ooops.
The last clients at 6.30pm were fantastic too. So jovial. Brightens up anyone's gloomy day. Men are so flexible and easy-going. Nice to work with.
I'm really surrounded by great people at this point in my life. So grateful to God.
--------------------
Blessed
Yup I am. I truly am.
Work has been getting crazier these few days.. No one's in the office, no one who can help me long enough. I don't feel bogged down or ovewhelmed, just annoyed that eveything has to arrive together. Not that it can be helped. Time can never be properly spaced out.
Anyway, the best part is that he always lights up my day. No matter how things are; a smile, a hug, a simple decision like staying overnight at the office with me, to keep me near, to give me strength, to alleviate my stress - never fails to cheer me up.
He's not even obliged to help with our work, nor to stay with me if I get stuck in office. It helps that he understands what needs to be done. Such an unselfish man, and he wasn't taken earlier?
I've found my good man =P
Got to work now while my mind is still active.
Brain shutting down soon.
--------------------
Work has been getting crazier these few days.. No one's in the office, no one who can help me long enough. I don't feel bogged down or ovewhelmed, just annoyed that eveything has to arrive together. Not that it can be helped. Time can never be properly spaced out.
Anyway, the best part is that he always lights up my day. No matter how things are; a smile, a hug, a simple decision like staying overnight at the office with me, to keep me near, to give me strength, to alleviate my stress - never fails to cheer me up.
He's not even obliged to help with our work, nor to stay with me if I get stuck in office. It helps that he understands what needs to be done. Such an unselfish man, and he wasn't taken earlier?
I've found my good man =P
Got to work now while my mind is still active.
Brain shutting down soon.
--------------------
Sunday, February 28, 2010
=(
I've been an idiot.
In no way would I ever want to hurt you.
You have been so patient, so loving, so caring, so understanding, so steady, so secure.
Have I given you enough in return for this 1 week?
All I can remember doing is smiling everytime I see you. Involuntarily,because my heart is just warmed up everytime I look into your eyes.
My questions were never meant to hurt and destroy. I was only teasing.
At other times.. My questions are to know how and what you think..
Or, how you feel. Because I care. I want you to be happy. Comfortable. Pleased. I want you to realise I will never want to do anything to try to hurt you.
But.. the more I know you, the longer I am with you, I can't help but feel that.. I'm not good enough for you. At all. You're the greatest catch ever.. Not me.
=(
I don't know what to do.
--------------------
In no way would I ever want to hurt you.
You have been so patient, so loving, so caring, so understanding, so steady, so secure.
Have I given you enough in return for this 1 week?
All I can remember doing is smiling everytime I see you. Involuntarily,because my heart is just warmed up everytime I look into your eyes.
My questions were never meant to hurt and destroy. I was only teasing.
At other times.. My questions are to know how and what you think..
Or, how you feel. Because I care. I want you to be happy. Comfortable. Pleased. I want you to realise I will never want to do anything to try to hurt you.
But.. the more I know you, the longer I am with you, I can't help but feel that.. I'm not good enough for you. At all. You're the greatest catch ever.. Not me.
=(
I don't know what to do.
--------------------
Friday, February 26, 2010
frustration
I want to get it out of my system.. I really do.
I'm really really sorry about last night. If only you could see the changes in your expressions before and after I passed you the website. It's the 6th day.. And we are already going through so much stuff. I guess this is good.. Leaves us a little less troubles to deal with as we move on..
That is, if you still want to be with me. After these 5 days. I'm getting addicted to you!
www.ypyh.blogspot.com
--------------------
I'm really really sorry about last night. If only you could see the changes in your expressions before and after I passed you the website. It's the 6th day.. And we are already going through so much stuff. I guess this is good.. Leaves us a little less troubles to deal with as we move on..
That is, if you still want to be with me. After these 5 days. I'm getting addicted to you!
www.ypyh.blogspot.com
--------------------
Thursday, February 25, 2010
DDK
This is to you..
I guess my take on this isn't important. It never will be again. Letting go is probably hard, but there isn't much of a choice on this. I don't blame you for what had happened. It is over, I've cried my share, burned myself, gave up on what I had put into us. Don't get me wrong. I do see all that you have done for me, and appreciate all the efforts you've put in for me. However, being thankful simply isn't enough to keep me going.
It takes 2 hands to clap. I apologise for all my faults as well.
That aside..
I'm glad you appreciated my efforts. It's nice to know once in a while that I did not do everything in vain. Is Mark ok? The ankle will probably leave him out of games for quite a long time right?
I did not know that you saw my efforts in being your cheerleader every Saturday. Every Saturday. True? You committed yourself to your games, I committed myself to supporting you. Score for me. Improve. Get Man of the Match. Get the award for the best improved player. Don't worry. You will find a girl who is silly enough to give up her Saturdays to watch your soccer games every weekend.
But I get more tired each week. I gave a lot.. and you turned on me. Is my tolerance really that high? Even after I found out that..
Anyway, with regards to your dad, please learn to forgive and forget. It probably sounds corny, but he is, after all, your dad. I believe that I have stood by you long enough to know the history and events of your family. Yes, it is unfair to you, but your heart is more generous than this. Trust me, I know.
And I'm glad you stood up for Alex. I guess that's just what happens when people cannot open their eyes to see the facts more clearly. I hope that your family can one day be as close as mine is. I stand on yours and Alex's side.
I'm also relieved that you did not take it out on your bro's baby. She's innocent. I'm really really happy you're making an effort for your mum and niece.
You have grown. You found your job, you found your purpose, and you're making efforts. I'm really happy for you. Now, the difference is, it's not me who is standing by your side anymore. Don't miss me. No one is indispensable. There are better girls than me. They can probably make you happier than I ever did.
I've found my happiness now. He is someone who cares for me as much as I do for him. We understand each other's efforts and I hope we will always appreciate each other, so that it will never be one-way, and I will never tire of this.
As compared to us.. Though I will never regret our time together. It's taught me a lot. If I could turn back time, I would want to go through this experience with you again. And I sincerely hope for the best for your future. Because I still care.. as a friend.
--------------------
I guess my take on this isn't important. It never will be again. Letting go is probably hard, but there isn't much of a choice on this. I don't blame you for what had happened. It is over, I've cried my share, burned myself, gave up on what I had put into us. Don't get me wrong. I do see all that you have done for me, and appreciate all the efforts you've put in for me. However, being thankful simply isn't enough to keep me going.
It takes 2 hands to clap. I apologise for all my faults as well.
That aside..
I'm glad you appreciated my efforts. It's nice to know once in a while that I did not do everything in vain. Is Mark ok? The ankle will probably leave him out of games for quite a long time right?
I did not know that you saw my efforts in being your cheerleader every Saturday. Every Saturday. True? You committed yourself to your games, I committed myself to supporting you. Score for me. Improve. Get Man of the Match. Get the award for the best improved player. Don't worry. You will find a girl who is silly enough to give up her Saturdays to watch your soccer games every weekend.
But I get more tired each week. I gave a lot.. and you turned on me. Is my tolerance really that high? Even after I found out that..
Anyway, with regards to your dad, please learn to forgive and forget. It probably sounds corny, but he is, after all, your dad. I believe that I have stood by you long enough to know the history and events of your family. Yes, it is unfair to you, but your heart is more generous than this. Trust me, I know.
And I'm glad you stood up for Alex. I guess that's just what happens when people cannot open their eyes to see the facts more clearly. I hope that your family can one day be as close as mine is. I stand on yours and Alex's side.
I'm also relieved that you did not take it out on your bro's baby. She's innocent. I'm really really happy you're making an effort for your mum and niece.
You have grown. You found your job, you found your purpose, and you're making efforts. I'm really happy for you. Now, the difference is, it's not me who is standing by your side anymore. Don't miss me. No one is indispensable. There are better girls than me. They can probably make you happier than I ever did.
I've found my happiness now. He is someone who cares for me as much as I do for him. We understand each other's efforts and I hope we will always appreciate each other, so that it will never be one-way, and I will never tire of this.
As compared to us.. Though I will never regret our time together. It's taught me a lot. If I could turn back time, I would want to go through this experience with you again. And I sincerely hope for the best for your future. Because I still care.. as a friend.
--------------------
dinner
with 10 others! At Seoul Garden in Causeway Point.
K is leaving.. after trying to resign 3 times. Emo-ing again. I've been here only 2 months, but I've seen sooo many people leave. It's part and parcel of life and work, but I really can't help feeling a part of me is torn apart, everytime someone leaves. I've grown accustomed to my colleagues, and the quirky ways of some, but in the end, when it happens..
Dinner was great! The company is great. =)
I can't wait to get K's table. Muahaha..
Tonight was wonderful.
Oxymoron. Wonderfully sad.
--------------------
K is leaving.. after trying to resign 3 times. Emo-ing again. I've been here only 2 months, but I've seen sooo many people leave. It's part and parcel of life and work, but I really can't help feeling a part of me is torn apart, everytime someone leaves. I've grown accustomed to my colleagues, and the quirky ways of some, but in the end, when it happens..
Dinner was great! The company is great. =)
I can't wait to get K's table. Muahaha..
Tonight was wonderful.
Oxymoron. Wonderfully sad.
--------------------
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
the feeling of happiness
is not hard to come by right?
I really love this period of time.
Rustic, no-Singapore-crazy-rush setting.
Lots of trees, grasses, mosquitoes, snakes, beetles, spiders, ants, and other creepy crawlies.
My hero - Sa - who denies it but laughs everytime I call him my hero - caught 2 spiders and a beetle for me.
Mimi who comes everytime she is called.. though I still prefer dogs.
In-house lizard in the office which drives me crazy with its sounds.
Dead bugs out of nowhere.
Passion door that bangs.
Legacy that supports 700 pax.
Sustainable food opposite.. no choice, only coffeeshop within walking distance.
Most importantly, the best colleagues around (besides my stint in IJC and SSS).
M - cranky, yet incredibly stable and knowledgeable. Stoopid finger blaster. Now comes with 3 toys r us hammers.
L - sooo manly. Haha.. The steadfast in storms. Simply loves reminding me of my punch.
V - strong, straightforward, peaceful.
Sy - a tease, steady, dependable, patient.
C - amazing dinner mate. So much to give, if I have time to stay over at the instructors' house, have dinner with him alone, and spend some quiet, fulfilling evenings with him.
K - nonsensically awesome. Beauty, brains. Perfect combination.
AL - my protector. My mentor. Patient, understanding, thoughtful. Ever grateful to you.
E and J - epitome of US - independent, outgoing, sunny.
Lastly, you. Haha.. sweet, endearing, contagious, warm, supportive. Every minute is enjoyed, every moment savoured. Apparently, i got to thank AT for this.. And L for his efforts..
But, whether it works or not, only time will tell. Only God can give.
I wish, I hope, I want..
But what is 'it'?
And what will follow?
--------------------
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Fishing
again!! Didn't want to go but still dragged myself out. Didn't regret it in the end.
Caught 10 catfish whose spikes are a little poisonous and a hassle to cook so threw them back in the sea. They're called Ah Seng. Not sure of English name.
Caught only 6 other edible fishes. I like!!
Saw people wakeboarding in the open sea too.. Boatman brought us to a few spots around Ubin and Singapore but I only caught in the morning and early noon. After that no bite already.
--------------------
Caught 10 catfish whose spikes are a little poisonous and a hassle to cook so threw them back in the sea. They're called Ah Seng. Not sure of English name.
Caught only 6 other edible fishes. I like!!
Saw people wakeboarding in the open sea too.. Boatman brought us to a few spots around Ubin and Singapore but I only caught in the morning and early noon. After that no bite already.
--------------------
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
my mind is reeling..
with lots of things. I have no life!! Work, eat, sleep. NO life. Then again, I'm being an idiot. I know. Haha.. Working life is really no life. Weekends are all I live for.
My job's great though! Like I tell everyone, and honestly, I do enjoy my job. I don't have to wake super early, no need to decide on clothes since there's a uniform, the job is exactly what I want, and I couldn't ask for nicer colleagues!
It's not a desk-bound job, and my senior and CC manager has been especially nice and patient with me and my occasionally stoopid questions. =P
At present, L is trying to fix me up with YP.. But it's not that easy. Right? Maybe it's a girl thing or it's just me, but feelings take time to nurture. The spark must be there. It takes 2 hands to clap. It's a 2-way thing. Not like buying clothes.. See, like, buy. Though friends will tell you it's untrue. I'm fickle even when buying stuff. =)
And when you've been hurt.. Time and again.. How do you tell when you are ready to open up and let yourself be hurt again? Protect, qoo..
Yay!! I daren't hope too hard, but I last heard that PMs don't need to go for BFC. BFC includes climbing a TCPyramid and TCHourglass. Just put qorrine and heights together and you can start preparing to peel me off the floor.
I tried the Pampers Pole for BIC, which I had to go through before I can start the job. J can propbably tell you the story of me grabbing the pole and refusing to climb up higher. Haha.. I look back and laugh at me now, 'cos I know I'll still be scared shitless if I have to try it again.
Going fishing with K again this Sunday. I can't wait. =) Fishie fishie.. Fishieeeeeeees...............
V said I'm squeaky!! Squeaky!! Probably the ang moh way of saying I'm whiney.
I wanna have my other half.
Remind me not to be so squeaky, please. Haha..
------------------------------
My job's great though! Like I tell everyone, and honestly, I do enjoy my job. I don't have to wake super early, no need to decide on clothes since there's a uniform, the job is exactly what I want, and I couldn't ask for nicer colleagues!
It's not a desk-bound job, and my senior and CC manager has been especially nice and patient with me and my occasionally stoopid questions. =P
At present, L is trying to fix me up with YP.. But it's not that easy. Right? Maybe it's a girl thing or it's just me, but feelings take time to nurture. The spark must be there. It takes 2 hands to clap. It's a 2-way thing. Not like buying clothes.. See, like, buy. Though friends will tell you it's untrue. I'm fickle even when buying stuff. =)
And when you've been hurt.. Time and again.. How do you tell when you are ready to open up and let yourself be hurt again? Protect, qoo..
Yay!! I daren't hope too hard, but I last heard that PMs don't need to go for BFC. BFC includes climbing a TCPyramid and TCHourglass. Just put qorrine and heights together and you can start preparing to peel me off the floor.
I tried the Pampers Pole for BIC, which I had to go through before I can start the job. J can propbably tell you the story of me grabbing the pole and refusing to climb up higher. Haha.. I look back and laugh at me now, 'cos I know I'll still be scared shitless if I have to try it again.
Going fishing with K again this Sunday. I can't wait. =) Fishie fishie.. Fishieeeeeeees...............
V said I'm squeaky!! Squeaky!! Probably the ang moh way of saying I'm whiney.
I wanna have my other half.
Remind me not to be so squeaky, please. Haha..
------------------------------
Sunday, January 3, 2010
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