yeah!!

I've finally got a full-time job!! As a camp planner.. Check out http://www.camp-challenge.com/.

Had to go thru a basic instructor course so that I could get a feel of the company. Let's just say I have never been so afraid before!!

Heights.. Food.. Those 4 days were almost hell to me, since I'm not the super-duper outdoors-adventurous type. However, I scraped through, and those 4 days worth of memories I will not forget.

Colleagues are really nice. Friends who know me think this job is something that really suits me. My friends' and my opinion of myself seem to differ a lot. They apparently think I'm a go-outside-feed-mosquitoes kind of person. I thought I wasn't. Now I aim to be, though. The job warrants it.

Might have a company trip to Batam for cable skiing!! I opted for that over waterfall hiking.

Wheee!! Great time to start a job.. What with the Christmas and New Year hols!

--------------------

Life.. is

boring, at this point in time. Slacker.. Total SLACKER.

Gave up SSS to take up some 1 yr HR which I declined too, in the end. This is what happens to picky, fickle people - no job, no life, no money to do anything else.

J at SSS was darn nice to me. Gave lots of advice, and bought me some tau huey too. Yummy! Ok that's not the point. She gave me the impression that I seem cynical to people. N just said last Sunday that I'm quite pessimistic.

Really? Who wouldn't be, after going through the kinda shit that I'd gone through in the past year? N should know.. Our boats were more or less similar. Mine was easier to sink than hers, though.

J told me to never, never, ever let anyone call you something you're not, or to put you down, unless you let them. And, to always find a loophole, to your advantage, in everything. Hee..

I've never really thought of myself as cynical or pessimistic.

------------------------------

Doctor of Death

I went to see the Bodyworlds exhibition on the very first day it opened.

It's good! Well worth the money. Entrance fees are $20.

No cameras allowed, but we were graced by Dr Gunther (aka Dr of Death), the man himself who did all the dirty work.

He was taking pictures of his own exhibits.

We managed to get a picture with him. Post another day. I'm honoured to have hugged the man who invented this exhibition.

I shook his hand too!

The hand that skinned the bodies.. Prodded the organs.. Handled the corpses.. Played with muscles and bones and brains and unborn foetuses and intestines and smokers' lungs and the likes.

Eh.. Am I supposed to be disgusted? Nah.. I love the whole concept.

I wonder how my insides look like.. Anyone thinking of donating your dead self to this quest for knowledge of our human body?

There is so much more! I can't possibly say all.

My fav? The real, dead, horse.

There is a giraffe, deer, and octopus too, besides (mostly) human and human organ exhibits.

He is doing an elephant next.

Plastination. Ooooohh..

--------------------

fishy fishy!

I love fishing!

Calm waters, serene atmosphere, thrilling catches.

I doubt that I'll forget my first fishing trip in the waters around Singapore.

I caught the 2 biggest fishes out of the 4 of us that day!! So proud of myself.

They weren't ikan bilis! They were really big. Not huge, but big and meaty. About 30cm the biggest one. The other was a little smaller.

The others' were MUCH smaller.

Self praise is no praise..

They were teasing me.. They didn't call it beginner's luck.

They said the fishes were male. Hence only my bait was taken.

The others were men.. No big female fishes for them.

Hahaha..

Post the pics another day. I look fuddy duddy in them.

Covered everything. Cap, long sleeves, collar, long pants.

I like the sun. I like tans.

However, I was nagged at to put sunscreen and avoid the sun.

Long hours, 7.30am to 4.30pm.

Luckily I heeded the men's advice, otherwise I would have been really sunburnt.

Sunburn no good.

--------------------

NEW!!

oops!! Haven't posted in a long longgg time..

Finally done with WSS.. Especially the SGCs!! They were really the bane of my few months there. Miss the kids though!

Slacked my Sept away, managed to pack my room up.. Super neat then, still is now, 3 weeks later.

Now.. Am at SSS.. one of my favourite schools! Class size is halved of mainstream schools, timing is good, colleagues are great!

Only thing is.. There are many rumours about the school food.. It's probably because sportsmen need to have more nutritious and thereby less tasty food (aka non fattening - but it's not as if the kids care).

Most of the staff end up eating out.. Some kind souls offered to buy hawker food every day.. So we just place our orders with them. Gets kind of boring.. We only can order certain kinds of food, or at least that's my view.

I can't imagine ordering fried hokkien mee or minced meat noodles or carrot cake.. Then by the time the teachers get back, they are all mushy!

I miss IJC's and WSS's food.

Ohh.. And I'm finally free!! In 2 meanings of the word. Looking, but not seeing. Wanting, but not getting. G says my environment is not suitable for that particular 'quest'.

And yes, I'm also free.. Work here now is minimal as the holidays are nearing. I'll probably start complaining next year.

Oh yeah.. It's a chore to walk 15min out to the bus stop under the hot sun. It's shorter.. I'm exaggerating.. But add 5 mins because of the freaking hot sun.

For some reason.. Woodlands is especially prone to rain. Why?? I gave my Geography knowledge back to my teachers. So is it because Woodlands is nearer the causeway = near the sea/ocean = more prone to rain? It's like, raining every noon!

If there was a Volleyball Academy in SSS, and SSS opened 8 years earlier, I would have applied to study here. (I do like PCS.. I had a great 4 yrs there - no regrets!!)

Boring.. I need a life. I need the yang.

--------------------

o_O

I'm on my first SGC.. and my 2nd cup of mochaccino.

The testimonials are killing me.

The price to pay for having 4 lesser CPA lessons weekly.

Hee..

Computing vs English??

I've made my choice.

Mochaccinoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

yummy!

In any job you work in.. the one most important thing that sees you through the mundane day is FOOD! Yes??

In IJC, the food was simply deeeeelicious! Perhaps 'scrumptious' would be a better term. I still remember the fried rice that the aunty will specially cook to your order, the nasi lemak special on Thursdays, the fried food Wednesdays, and blah blah blah..

Here.. well.. perhaps it's because this is only a secondary school. The food is not drab, but it leaves us wondering what to eat each day.

The PE trainees love the Wed pratas, A and P apparently buy from the same stall every day, and me, well.. after 8 weeks, I've finally found something.. nice. Nicer.

Mon there's tom yum, Tues there's nasi briyani, Wed fried food day, Thurs.. eh?? I can't remember.. and mee soto Fri. These are some mean food the nice stall holders cook up. I err.. haha.. am neutral about the other food.

They're not bad per se, but it's economical rice and a warped version of western food. You know this is not to my taste.

The pantry, though, has this adorably tiny drink dispenser with mochaccino. My newest love. Aww..

Oh, and the drinks stall has really yummilicious milk tea!!

I miss IJC's food.. and the colleagues there who were crazy about fried food Weds. =)

..........

Sianz..

Supposed to have a 3 hr break between classes.. then got arrowed to do a relief job for R on mc.

I don't terribly mind.. it's just quite dampening on the spirits.

I'd already set my table up for 3 hrs of break.

You'd be amazed at the number of people taking mc each day.

Sigh.. class in 15 mins.

You're right, RD.. since you'd been gone, my tues have been unlucky.. sure kenna relief.

School!

eh..

I.. am hanging on. Struggling, unhappy, disturbed.

If I clear this though, I can handle any school.

But should i really put myself through this?

Is everything worth it?

The work, colleagues, distance, money, satisfaction?

4 weeks down the road, i'm still not entirely sure.

Only time will tell.

5 factors are a lot to be based on.

wheeeee

I had a great birthday!!

Started with the transport. Pleasantly surprised to know certain people are trying to be thoughtful.

Fabulous lunch, cool movie, simple yet satisfying dinner.

A huge moomoo as my present..

Especially nice cos the buyer was feeling peakishly poor.

It's the company that I'm really happy with.

Over- over- over- exceeded my expectations.

Then again.. something wrong was said at the end of the day.. that almost kinda spoilt my entire birthday.

Was salvaged at night.. wrapped up wonderfully.

THANKEW YOU!!!!!

endless..

oh yes..

And I was scolded on my 1st day. I remember asking whether I had to bring anything on my 1st day..

"No" was what I was told. Nothing was what I brought.

Great! Admin scolded me for not bringing my certs. I tried to argue that I did ask, and I was told that I didn't have to bring anything.

Oh no.. wrong move. Never ever argue with the admin. So I apologised, smiled lots, and kept assuring that I would bring my certs the next day.

Let's just say.. I'm happy I did not argue further, even though I knew I was right. The admin personnel is much nicer and friendlier towards me now.

Just take the blame, qoo.. just admit that everything is your fault.

I am trying so hard to salvage what I can now.. staying back everyday to do up lessons for my kids. Well.. at least the colleagues are helpful. I have a whole bunch of books and notes now on my makeshift table.. Yeah.. teachers' tables are never neat.

I sank (not by my mistake), but now, I can say that I am managing to float. Give me another 2 days.. On my birthday, I will be proudly able to say that I can swim.

----------

first week

First week at this particular school.. and I have 4 people encouraging me to call it quits.

I'm not a quitter; it's just that sometimes, things go wayyy out of hand, and try as you may to fix it, nothing seems to go right.

The kids are okay.. just the normal, run-of-the-mill type of teens, albeit of course, with each class having their own black sheep.

Yeah.. I can handle the kids. I was from a neighbourhood sec school too.

The colleagues are mighty fine. They know the mess I was left with, so they are trying to help in every way they can to alleviate my horror.

Bless the kind, helpful colleagues. It's not as if they are very free either.

It's the person I'm taking over. Told no one I was coming, didn't make arrangements for me, and surprise!! Found out on day 1 that I have 3 extra classes! Like, what on earth, right?

First day itself, no space for me to sit. 2nd day, I was uprooted twice.. from the temp desk to the photocopy room to the conference room. And I have to evacuate the room should there be meetings!

I was very much incensed when the computer guy told me that they had no more spare laptops. I was left to muddle through my first week, teaching with what little resources I had from my colleagues. I'm not angry with him. I'm angry with that person.. who neglected arrangements for me.

Now my classes are falling behind by 1 week.. and it's unfair to them that I have to rush to bring them up to speed.

I'm not there to waste the school's money. I really contribute to the classes. I will be bringing them to the exams, and this kind of arrangements welcome me.

That's not all.. I am expected to teach. Teach what? I have no password, no laptop, no access to school resources. I had to beg my colleagues to print extra copies for my classes.

Can you imagine how lost I felt? To top it all off, the trainees will stay for a shorter period than me, but, they have priority over laptops and tables in the staff room. It's not a case of favouritism.. it's just really bad management by this particular person, who KNOWS she is going on leave, who KNOWS she is having me to take over her, since 3 months ago, and yet, neglects to make arrangements for me to do my job well.

They can't blame me if I mess the kids up for the first week of school. I have no access to nothing whatsoever! I was non-existent until my 1st day of work!

In comparison to my previous schools.. this particular school needs a wake up call in terms of management.

Pissed off.

I finally got my laptop last fri after classes. With. No. Password. Sigh.. can lessons proper start this week?

Muddle.. muddle..

---------

few more pics

My ice cream while in Hatyai.. only S$2 from Swensens, no gst and service charge!!

I love my newest ducky.. quack quack.. K got it on only his 2nd try from the arcade style UFO machine!

cute!!

So adorable!

Mr Men and Little Miss!!

OUCH

I've a penchant for clashing with people during beach volleyball.

-----

Last yr.. C crashed into my ribs.

-----

Yesterday.. I crashed into C's girlfriend's err.. chest. Haha.. I sustained this huge purplish bruise on my right leg, courtesy of her elbow. Hope she's fine though =P

-----

Yay volleyball!! The great sun, sand, sea.. and friends!!

-----

Dirty Jobs

I love Dirty Jobs on Discovery Channel! (I love the theme song of Discovery Channel too!)

This guy is paid to go around the world trying out different disgusting / dirty jobs that everyday humans do for a living.

I'd only caught 3 episodes so far, but I fell for the documentary hook, line and sinker, on the very 1st episode I watched.

First, was a factory where all used nappies (yes, with shit) go to be washed, disinfected and repacked for sale. The workers had to sort out the soiled nappies (bearing the smell), and the occasional bugs that jump out at them.

You know, years ago, before disposable diapers were made easily available and affordable, people used cloth napkins, and if the baby shits or pees, the nappy will be washed at home, sunned, then reused. (Yeah.. I had gone through this, taking care of my sis when she was still a baby. I remember the safety pins. They were huge, and always had some cute animal as the head.)

Just imagine a much larger scale of this process, plus, the shit is not 'fresh', as the nappies had to be transported to the factory. So.. yeah.. let ur imagination run smelly-shitty-wild..

Second time i watched, it was about this guy who dealt with crocodiles. He had to pick the eggs from a marsh (if he's lucky, the mother croc would not attack him as he picked her babies), incubate, hatch, raise them for a bit, then sell. Some are raised and returned to the wetlands to breed and maintain the ecosystem.

The host of the show got bitten by quite a bit of fire ants. The crocodiles seemed pretty scary to hold too.. even with their mouths taped shut when they had to be transported, 'cos they do thrash about a lot.

The last episode that I managed to catch, was when the host tried to be a dustbin-man, moving rubbish that cannot be incinerated to landfills. Again, the smell. Picture decaying rubbish and food, smells that make you gag..

On top of that, he had to repair a pipe that broke, and hose rubbish off the tractor to keep the machine workable, whilst being amidst watery, decomposing err.. things. (Ok.. I like being clean. Don't you?)

Applaud the people who are willing to do these jobs to keep cities safe and clean, and applaud the producers who educate audiences about the reality of these jobs. Ohh, and the host! 1 man, trying all dirty jobs!

Can't wait to catch the next episode!

crabs!

pics!!

----------
Just a little range of my newest stuffed toys.. With the doggy changing home to my sister's room cos she likes it =P
----------

----------
I've finally found a day to spend time cutting my hair! The side view.. (folding up my ntuc bag)
----------


----------
And the front view!! After 7 yrs of long hair.. I think it's a new change for me.. feels so empty! Still have the tendency to grab my long hair when in the bath.. then I'd be grabbing air 'cos all I feel is my back!
----------

----------

Cute tortoise shaped bread!! Mummy fell in love with it.

==========

==========

==========

I do miss my long hair.. but I SIMPLY LOVE my new short hair!! After 7 yrs! After - a fear of tried-n-tested botched haircuts! - My pri n sec sch days were peppered with terribly boyish, short hairstyles.

----------

Then, I started growing my hair long after my 'O's.. and kept it til yesterday!! No regrets!

----------

I love the patient hairdresser ('cos I was fickle and wanted to just trim my long hair, but ended up asking her to cut it all off, AFTER she started trimming - and she only started trimming AFTER I said that I didn't want to cut my hair short - though yes, I eventually did, halfway through the supposed trim!) with the magical hands! She is mighty good!

----------

Think it suits me? =)

----------

Professional Procrastinator

That's what I am. And this is what I do instead of studying. Put tabs on all the chapters then take a pic, instead of well, opening the book and reading =) aww such pretty colours!!

Life!

Read an article in Life! this week.. Can't remember which day it is; should be either Mon or Tues. The writer totally catches my heart.

Something about 2 of his female friends, getting married to jerks. A thinks he can fool around before he gets married to the girl (cos "that's what guys do"; and the fiancee has to learn to get used to it), and B asked for a 24hr break to relive his bacherlorhood.

The contributor of this article is in a righteous mood, and he advocates telling these 2 female friends of his, just what kind of guys they were going to give their lives to.

Easy way out is to just sit and enjoy the wedding as guests, but as friends, the RIGHT way would be to tell these girls the harsh, but appropriate, truth, to protect them from being hurt by such lousy characters of their fiances, in future.

See.. I know I'm still sore, but I really keep wondering why the gals didn't tell me til I probed. Yes, put simply, you can just tell me: "Means you and them are not close enough la!" But I beg to differ. These are the very people with whom I share good times, bad times, wants, rants, and in all, my FRIENDS. It's a 2-way communication.

So, where's the righteousness? Your idea of protecting me is not to tell me the truth? This is 1 truth where ignorance is not bliss, cos in the long run, the girl gets hurt. The girl loses out.

Am I really wrong to think that everyone will do good deeds? Like informing your girlfriend if you know her boyfriend is a bad egg, and also because he tried to hit on you, and ask you sexually explicit qns?

Who's got more to lose anyway? You won't, cos when your friend realises the truth, she'll appreciate your help. Not your friend either, cos you're saving her a lifetime of lousy-men headaches. Win-win! Yes?

Or would you rather keep the truth to youself, see your poor girlfriend get cheated and played by the bus-third, for years to come? (assuming the girl, like my case, really didn't know the guy was actually like that)

Sigh.. conscience, anyone? It doesn't have to be a close friend for you to have a conscience.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not hypocritical. I still love my friends, I just can't come to terms with their (lack of) actions... as yet.

I think I assumed too much.

uh ohh

I have exactly 2 mths to study.. oh nooooo.. I need more brain juice. I need motivation. I need..

Zzzzz.. studying is impossible with the tv looming around the corner of the living room. Studying is impossible when I don't wanna go Macs or library or school cos of noisy kids/ librarians who chase u out cos u're taking up library-goers' space/ cos there's no aircon.

I need a good place with aircon, a low level of noise, and that serves good food, to study!!

WHERE??!!

smthg caught my eye

I love this line!! It's speaks so much of why I started this blog:

"If you act in a disrespectful manner, I've got no reason to respect you."

There are all sorts of people in this world.

I don't deny that I feel revengeful. Feel.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

------------------------------

enlightened..

J and GH had been grinding my head through their endless advice. Thanks, really, but seriously, it's always easier said than done. Anyway.. J only wanted to know if I made good use of his 20 mins, and GH's in for the gossip. Haha.. crazy guys. Always there for you when you feel down.

Mmm.. like I told G.. it's my closure. I'm waiting for xxx to happen so I can finally let myself go. It's more of a for-me thingy.

I used to think 'closure' was a cheesy word.. If you want to break up just break!! Nothing else after that. It's only now that I realised what I'm doing for myself is closure. My subconscious took too long to slap me awake.

G says closure is for people who have been through tragic relationships. Not really.. more of for people who'd invested so much yet end up being betrayed. It's not tragic. It's sad.

I don't know why I need closure this time. People who know me know that yes, I mope. I mope for lost things like a few days to a few weeks, but I get over things pretty fast because I know life's too short to spend it moping. These 4 mths were a maelstrom of terror for me.

Even S believes I'm an extrovert (I laugh- I'm so not that- sorry S), so I guess it comes even oddly to myself that I'm taking so long.

Well, xxx is coming soon. I'm looking forward to my closure. Psychologically my brain has moved on, but my heart wants to mope til closure happens.

That's what you get for investing your trust wrongly.

I'm not sore.. I told J I'd forgive, but I'll never forget. I know it goes against the Bible, but have you gone through my trauma before?

I'm so, so tired. Is it that obvious? BK hasn't seen me in a few yrs, and I was stunned when he said last night that I look like I had gone through a lot.

I want to be qoo again.
Happy qoo.

Dim Sum near Farrer Park

with BK! Haven't seen BK in ages.. 2-3 yrs, at least? Though he says I've overcounted. Haven't met him in at least 2 yrs, then.

Food's not bad.. Abt $28 for 2 pax, with 11 different dishes and 3 drinks. Small portions, and it opens 6pm to 10am. Located opposite the 2-storey Macs beside Jalan Besar food centre.

Walked to Farrer Park mrt to catch a bus home. Let's just say.. culture shock. It can be pretty overwhelming.. and with BK laughing at my unease.. It just makes you smile. Haha..

Anyway, the things there are like freaking cheap!! They have a good community not to have to pay through their nose for those perishables and household items.

One thing that piques me- why on earth do they have sooooooo much onions? I mean, like really. Soooooo much onions?!! Sooooooooo sooooooooo much...

Think BK's gonna knock my head. There he is watching out for the sea of people and endless cars.. here I am looking at mountains of onions and the camaraderie these people have. Hee..

Nice night with you, BK. =)

My fav doggy

ger ger is freaking cute. Abt 11 yrs old already.. getting bald, blind and losing teeth. Still love my ger ger!

--------------------

In SSS withdrawal! Miss the little monkeys.

--------------------

The after-feeling of niceness

Went out with my sec sch friends to celebrate DQ's bday. Felt so bad! We tried bugging him to select something he wants, but still ended up with no gifts for him after walking around a bit. He paid for the bulk of dinner somemore. =P

------------------------------------------------------------

We then chilled at the Borders Cafe. Cakes after 8pm are 50% off! Yummy. We had a cheesecake, a chocolate cake and a tiramisu. DQ was complaining the pic isn't nice cos B ate a bit of the choc cake already. The tiramisu would have been nicer if the alcohol was stronger. DY still makes the best tiramisu!! DY is my ex neighbour.

------------------------------------------------------------

Haha.. DQ's right.. women can think of everything and link together at once. Look at me. I linked today's gathering with my ex neighbour. How quaint!

______________________________________________________________

On another note, I'm a hypocrite myself.. Went shopping at TPY and AMK with him before soccer. I would say we're still pretty mushy, even though we're not together anymore. It's pushing 3 mths since I first found out..

------------------------------------------------------------

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I should be stronger. I shouldn't be going back to 'rotten meat'. I should not be trapping myself to get hurt again. But then.. Well, I really have no excuse to give for myself for this. I'm torn between my heart and my head. Needless to say, my heart wins most of the time.

______________________________________________________________

Ohh.. Before I forget, I actually wanted to write that there's an after-feeling of niceness cos THANKS DQ for walking me home!! I know it wasn't convenient for you to walk all the way back out from my place to the bus-stop. The government should really build more bus-stops.

------------------------------------------------------------

It's been 8 yrs since my ex sec school mates became my ex sec school mates.

______________________________________________________________

I survived my first week at Sports School!! Haha.. It isn't terrible. It's just that I know the students won't see me long enough to want to learn, til Mr R gets back. Weren't we all the same when we were 15 / 16 yr olds? Relief = time to take a break. I understand your psyche.

------------------------------------------------------------

1 thing I've learned though.. while I grew up, is that I've gained persistance and I'm not afraid to use it. Haha.. So my dearest 3d, 4a, 4c and 4d, I'll take all your shit and throw you mine in return. *big smile* You've still gotta survive 1 more week of me!!

------------------------------------------------------------

My colleagues are great! All helpful and polite and endearing to be around. I wish that no matter where I work, my boss and colleagues are always as good as the staff of IJC and SSS. Trust me. You can never ask for a better working environment than these amazing teachers.

------------------------------------------------------------

Being tired from training is NOT an excuse to avoid doing homework. Haha..

------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, you don't have a choice. You need to have an all-round education, and in Singapore, you really can't go far without a cert. Your peers are all in the same rat race as you to get the paper qualifications, and it's this cert that'll get you the interview for a job.

------------------------------------------------------------

Your advantage is, you have your sports to fall back on. You're getting 1 of the best coaching around, and you are 1 of the elite players in Singapore, so do try to excel in your chosen sport (woohoo volleyball for me!). It will bring you far in your future resumes. Jiayou!!

------------------------------------------------------------

PS. I insist. Sport or no sport, compre to be done by wed!

PPS. I stand corrected. There are 3 pools in SSS. Haha.. The olympic-sized one is divided, that's why I thought there was 4 (that's the supposed correction- I haven't checked it out).

Shop til you drop

What females do best (when they have cash).

Jurong Point, last Sat, with my mum, aunts, sis and cousins. Overspent.. twice my budget allocated. Hee.. got a lot of stuff though. Luckily, my mum paid for a few items, otherwise I'd have overspent to 3 times my allocated budget.

Got 2 tops.. 2 pairs of footwear.. 2 pairs of earrings.. nail polish.. choc marshmellows.. 3 masks.. medicine in the hope that my acne'll clear.. and took some neoprints squeezing the 7 of us in.

Literally shopped til we exhausted ourselves out. In the nice, happy, satisfied sense though.

Awesome!!

I love watching synchronised swimming!! So elegant.. so much poise and accomplishment. It's just beautiful!

Went to the Sports School last Friday to sign a contract. I was brought around the school, and managed to catch a few minutes of synchronised swimming practice. It was just 2 trainees, but I was pretty enthralled.

The school is also amazingly huge.. Like I-would-get-lost HUGE. For starters, if I'm not wrong, there are 4 pools (I walked only half the school). Yeah well, when you produce national swimmers, 4 pools should be peanuts for training.

On another note, he was nice today. Offered to send me on my first day of work tomorrow (after slacking for 2mths). See.. he still tries to be sweet. *Awww* I love him being all nice and sweet *slaps my own cheek* wakey wakey qoo..

Yippee!!! Dearest Mr F agreed to gimme a lift to work until my contract ends. Mr F is my ex colleague from ijc who happens to stay in my neighbourhood. He has a tyre fund (which I was hinted at heavily to contribute to) that I feel bad ignoring. Haha..

Mr F ate my Oreo wafer when I was still at ijc. Then, the tainted milk saga from China started and Mr F chided me for letting him eat the wafer. Hee.. Mr F always makes you laugh.

Woohoo free rides!! =) (well, it takes 1hr 15 min to get to work by public transport. I save 45 min - meaning I can snooze - when Mr F doesn't mind fetching me.)

Life sucks

5 out of 7!!

I really. Didn't. Know.

How bad it was.

Don't tell me it's for fun.

Which other man you know verbally sexually harasses 5 out of 7 of his gf's friends whom he'd met before? (and touches 1 where he shouldn't, literally behind your back, in the same car?)

(and all 5 thoroughly disgusted with him - it's not once off. It was finally confessed to me that it happened more than once.)

Am i not entitled to feel all emotions lousy and bad?

Serendipitous study

Went out with G to study.. did get some stuff into my head.. but that's not the best part. I need someone to bitch with me, for me. Not to tell me everything will be okay, not to tell me not to think so much cos it ain't my fault. Not to tell me I'll find a good guy eventually. Duhz.. I know these.

I need answers. And good company. Don't expend your energy consoling me. G is the best person to knock sense into your head. Well, my head at least.

I know men are generally non commital. They like their thrills and fun, and getting away with things they can hide. Boosts their ego. I know there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

Today made me realise.. "men need to love you enough to want to sacrifice for you. Not for the relationship, but for you". Even then, they themselves may still get bored of the relationship once in a while, and look for flings elsewhere. (Yes, plural.)

They. Are. Men. No guy is ever forever faithful. I understand that. I don't even try to protest against that. I just don't understand why you MUST do my gfs out of so many other females around. And, after I introduce you to them as my bf.

I'm not like possessive you know.. I don't restrict you from going out with your friends, male or female. I don't forbid you from chatting aimlessly with girls. I just dislike it if you're talking sex with them (with sex with them in your mind).

Would you like your bf sex-harassing YOUR own galfriends?? Note: harass- meaning my galfriends themselves found it disgusting.

The thing is, I'm so sore now cos I trusted that you wanted to change (you said so yourself) even though I know your less-than-honourable history. I invested my life and emotions in you, only to have them betrayed and lied to.

Worse of all, it was my personal friends you harassed. I was telling G that, if you cheated on me with your own friends or those gals you know online, it won't be as bad as making use of my friends whom I'd introduced to you.

Then again, I don't know how many other girls you've tried to seduce/hit on/sex-harass/f* besides my galfriends. I'm just assuming only my gals.

I'm like a whole package of angry now. Angry at you for trying to seduce MY friends while we were STILL attached (it's 2 big points in 1 action), angry at myself for putting my friends through this and introducing them to such a jerkish bf of mine, and angry at the gals for not warning me sooner.

I mean, hellooo, don't want to tell me cos you all were afraid I'd be hurt? Why don't you TELL me so I wun BE hurt by such a lousy man who does not even feel guilty when trying to play so many gals at once, and who does not even respect his own gf?

Yes, 1 of you told me maybe he's just trying to get to know my friends better. Does that constitute asking if you watch porn? Or "do you wanna f me? But I still love q. But i wanna f someone who's not q" - Then what? So f q's friends la? And hope q doesn't find out? If q finds out then, what? I'm lucky my friend has more shame than to let you f her.

I'm cynical now. I had a beautiful 1yr+ relationship with you, with all the heart-warming things you did for me, letting me believe I was ultimately loved by you. Little did I know what you were doing to my friends behind my back.

How do I ever love again? How do I know my next bf will not be "someone even the guys themselves wanna punch"? (Yes, it's that bad. Thanks G.) Yeah.. be optimistic.. you try being optimistic when you're in my shoes- 1. your galfriends know your bf's a jerk but they'd rather let you stay with a jerk than tell you he's one, and 2. you intro your galfriends to your bf when you go out in a group, and the very next minute he's digging their contacts up and harassing them with offensive sexual questions, asking them to go out, and asking sexual favours, while still doing nice things for you.

Mutual respect, much? Nada.. he doesn't care that those girls are my friends. He just sees them as fresh new girls to play with. And when he's had his fun.. "ohh, I still can go back to q and she'll still love me cos she doesn't know I'm trying to do other girls." 2 birds with 1 stone!

Hypocrite- in your face.

Is it a lot to ask for- if I just ask you to- not f* other gals (when you were still with me), particularly my galfriends, and not to bother them? If you truly wanna befriend my friends, sure! But we all know... you want the physical thrill with them..

There.. ARE guys who err.. are faithful when they're in a relationship right (ie. they don't still try to keep getting into the pants of other girls, AND they don't sexually harass the people in your OWN social circle)?

Do you actually get why I'm so disgusted with this whole incident? I win hands down with the hypocritical bf and sexual harassment of my galfriends by my bf issue. (Yep, plurals. Stats: 5 out of 7 of my galfriends.)

Trust..

is a difficult word. Hard to build, easy peasy to destroy. I hope I'll never have this problem.

I trusted e 5 of you. However, you all gave the same excuse - that you did not want to hurt me. Don't you think that I would fall harder when I finally learnt the truth? Yes, it is not nice being the one to break bad news. You would feel embarrassed and sorry, coupled with the fear of spoiling my 'happiness'.

Do you think I will be happy with this kind of man in the long run? Why didn't the 5 of you warn me, inform me, protect me? I truly understand your points of view. I hope the 5 of you see mine.

And you. You have displaced my trust in you. I have misplaced my faith and happiness in you. You told me you wanted to change. Now I thoroughly regret inviting you when I went out with my friends.

Nothing, nothing on earth, ever warrants you the right to cheat in the relationship. You do not see me getting upset, then running to find your friends for sexual favours, or sexually harass them. You need to wiki 'sexual harassment', and remember that it is disrespectful to do it.

Having the thing between your legs does not make you privvy to insulting women, cheat on them, nor harass them sexually.

For goodness' sake, you had the audacity to touch her when I was sitting in the very same car as you! I have been with you through thick and thin - your months without a job, the tattoo, the wedding, your saturday games - with no complaints. I did not pressure you.

Even if it were my mood swings, go figure. It's called pms. Every female is entitled to it. We can't help it. Some may even have it worse. And it was only periodically. I know I'm not perfect, but do you think you are? I am your gf, not your maid. I am a woman, sleeping in your bed while you did all these without guilt, not a fall-back plan. So what did I do to deserve this? Did I owe you in a past life? Have you returned to haunt me? No. Not by my God.

You would have been the perfect, sweet, caring bf - I appreciate and did not take for granted all the nice little things you have done for me during our relationship - but you spoilt it all with your own hands as well - trying to hit on my friends.

I was not blind to it. I honestly did not know. I'm angry because you harassed my friends. Now I know why you refused to say who you had 'disturbed' - it was almost ALL whom you've met before, wasn't it? Yes, I've done my detective work. The current stats stand at 5 out of 7 of my girl friends who were verbally sexually harassed by you. 5!! Is it not a basic understanding that your gf's or bf's friends are UNtouchables, unless you aren't in the relationship anymore?

I am lucky my 5 girls stood by me. Appreciate C for telling me. Thanks L and D for coming clean. Thanks to S and S for supporting me. I will not wish you karma, for I am not evil. I just hope you learn to respect and cherish women one day.

Darn jam

I took like, 95mins to get to sim today. Usually it takes abt an hr, but i'm exceptionally pissed now cos it made me 25min late for my ise mock. Not tt i did e whole paper.. I left after 1hr.. But i managed to at least attempt all 3 qns. I was e only 1 out of e entire part time class! Entered e room, n its like, wow.. No one wants to try mocks huh? Daddy picked me up from sim.. Free ride! Happy.